Not Really Gone

Scott, Brooke and I went today to get the "sticks" we made for our Mom so Valley View could do their yard work tomorrow without worrying about our stuff. We actually got there a little late and they had already closed the gates to the cemetary. So, we parked by the dairy and walked to her grave while it was getting dark, and she's not close to the entrance. Kind of a creepy situation. But we were walking back to the car and talking about how it doesn't really feel like she's gone. There are moments that everything catches up and it hits you and you break down for a little while because you realize that she's not going to be making one of her many random phone calls to us or we won't get any more picture messages from her with one of her friends doing something exciting and fun. Otherwise, it feels like she's just safe at home.

I'm sure that this feeling comes from the knowledge we have that she is not really "dead", but actually living, just somewhere else. Right now, she is in the Spirit World being really, really busy teaching other people about the gospel who didn't have a chance to hear about it on earth. (Check out Doctrine & Covenants Section 138.) I know that she is OK and she is happy, I'm just a little upset that I don't get to have her around. Alright, I'm ALOT upset! I have so many feelings, good and bad. I'm sure we were made aware that this was going to happen before we were sent to this earth, and we still wanted to come. Experiencing these feelings is necessary to the Plan of Salvation, so we can become like our Heavenly Father.

I am so happy about my mother's decision to become a member of the LDS church so many years ago. She didn't grow up with it, like we did. She pursued it on her own. She was a teenager when she was baptized and ran with it from there. I am sure that my feelings would be way different if I didn't have this gospel and things would be so much harder. I admire her for her faith and her example and am so grateful that she has given us this gift.