People say holidays are the hardest, but I don't think so. During the holidays you have so much running around and getting ready to do. You get to hang out with family that you haven't seen for a while.

For me, the hardest times are little random times when I think something's funny and I know my mom would think it's funny...but I can't tell her about it. Or when I need to call and ask her what kind of salsa goes in the tortilla soup, because the batch I just made doesn't taste right. Or when she can't be at something that "mom's always go to".

When my nephew was born and when I had my son, I would feel so bad that my mother couldn't enjoy them. She would love them so much! And then I would feel angry and upset that she was robbed of this part of her life. She worked so hard raising my brothers and sisters and I and now is the time that she was supposed to just coast and be friends with her children and enjoy her grandchildren. It's not fair that such a wonderful person has to miss out on all of this. It's just not fair.

My patriarchal blessing has a line that says something like, "as you gather your family during conference time, you will sense that the prophets are speaking to you..."  At every single General Conference there is always something that sticks out to me or something that addresses something I had been thinking about. During the October 2011 conference, Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a talk titled "The Songs They Could Not Sing".

He says, "Many people face significant problems or even tragedy during this mortal journey....Sometimes tragedies are very personal....A loving parent's life is taken because of a thoughtless act or accident....Whenever tragedy occurs, we mourn and strive to bear one another's burdens. We lament the things that will not be accomplished and the songs that will not be sung.

"Some challenges result from the agency of others. Agency is essential for individuals spiritual growth and development. Evil conduct is an element of agency. Captain Moroni explained, "The Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgement may come upon the wicked." He made it clear that the righteous are not lost but "enter into the rest of the Lord their God." The wicked will be held accountable for the atrocities they perpetrate.

"A unique challenge for those who have lost loved ones is to avoid dwelling on the lost opportunities....The lost opportunity might relate to family, occupation, talents, experiences or others.

"...the Father's plan of happines for His children includes not only a premortal and mortal life, but also an eternal life as well, including a great and glorious reunion with those we have lost. All wrongs will be righted, and we will see with perfect clarity and faultless perspective and understanding."

It made me feel better that Heavenly Father knows the heart ache we feel and I don't need to worry about all the times and experiences my mother is missing, because "all wrongs will be righted."

Molly as a Little Girl:

Molly's Christmas Thoughts - 1994

Molly frequently would write a Christmas newsletter to send to friends and family. In the letter she wrote for 1994 she describes what each child was doing that year, etc. She also wrote some general comments that I think she would like to share this year.

She began the letter with:

"This was supposed to be our Christmas greeting to you but events preceding Christmas changed all that. So I thought a New Year greeting would be appropriate and close enough to Christmas that you would all forgive me for being so late. But, we're well into the new year so I guess Happy Valentine's Day will have to do. Hopefully, this letter will get out to you by then. If not, fill in the blanks to whichever holiday this letter arrives closest to."

The events that delayed this letter center around the death of her grandmother, Sofia, which occurred toward the end of the year.

She describes some of this later in the letter:

"Unfortunately, our year ended with the death of my eighty-eight year old grandma. Her death came as a surprise. For some reason I thought she would live forever. But I guess it was more of what I had hoped. She was the nurturer in my life and the one I spent most of my time with. She was my best friend. If I could have had a choice in the way she died, I would have chosen the way she died. She was strong and healthy until the very end. She lived in the house she loved with those she loved. She had a couple of heart attacks the night before she died where she was surrounded by family in her death and greeted by family she missed. Her place in this life will never be filled. Her absence is very difficult to get used to. I still find myself including her in my plans only to have to re-route my thinking in the process. I'm glad my children got to know her and have her be as big a part of their lives s she was in mine. Grandparents bring a special touch of magic to our lives."

I hesitated to include this paragraph at Christmas and was planning to post it at some other time, but I think that Molly would like it posted now.

Perhaps the feeling that we are are indeed still connected with those who have gone before us is not thought about enough and she would like us to realize this and consider what this means.

Some of Molly's thoughts about her grandmother are certainly the thoughts many of us have about Molly.

Molly ends the letter by directing her thoughts toward those she was sending the letter to:

"In sending this late Christmas letter, I hope to let all of you know how much we appreciate you as friends and family and hope you will forgive me in my lack of correspondence. You have all touched our lives in such special ways and have helped us to grow to a greater depth of knowledge of who we are by adding to our lives. We cherish the memories you have given us. I sincerely hope that 1995 finds us renewing and adding to those memories.

Love from the Robbins Family"

It would be difficult to find a better expression of this aspect of Christmas.

I am sure that Molly would want to express something very much like this if she were still with us in this particular sphere of existence.

Molly's Birthday - 10/31/2010

On Molly's birthday this year we gathered for a bit at her grave site. It was a nice clear day and we took some photos. Kristin put up the "Molly" sign that she had made for Molly's first grave site marker.



One of Molly's students had left a very nice drawing at the site.

Javin, Molly's first grandchild, was very interested in the sign and added an angelic touch with his presence.

Molly's 12/21/89 Letter To Her Children

I came across a letter today that Molly had written to her children on 12/21/89. Although Carly was not yet born, Molly would certainly have included her in her sentiments.

Molly was in Long Beach to attend the wedding of one of her close friends aboard the Queen Mary.

Molly describes various aspects of the trip and the ship and then tells the children:

"I wish you could all be here with me. It's hard for me to go away from you. When I'm away, I think about you all the time. I can't detach myself from you. You're all so precious to me."

She ends the letter with:

I will see you soon on Saturday. I love you all so much. Don't ever forget that!

Your Mommy"

(Molly drew a small heart with an arrow through it at the end).

I suspect that Molly's feelings are exactly the same now.

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

Georgie Valdez, Grandma Julia Valdez, Hernan Valdez, Molly Valdez Robbins
The weather gets cold and the leaves turn and the little spooks and goblins come out and I remember you. Not that I don't think of you everyday and miss you terribly, there's a void in my life that will never be filled but life goes on, just differently and a little sadder. I smile at all the celebration and I pretend that it's all for you. I love you , Happy Birthday. I miss you.

-Hernan Valdez, 10/30/2010

Javin is 1!!

Happy Birthday, Bug!

This scoop's for you, Mom.

I can't tell you how much you're missed.


P.S. You're going to be a grandma again. Here is a picture of when Brandon and I told everybody else:

Martinez Family Reunion

My mom always liked to make sure we knew who our family was. On Saturday, we went to a family reunion for my great grandma's family and got to meet some extended relatives.

Here is my mother's uncle Alfonso and my great grandma's little sister, Emma. Everyone calls her Tia Emma.


Here we are with some more cousins, Tia Emma and her daughter, Chena, my uncles, Hernan and Georgie and our cousin, Sophie.


This is me with my cousin, Sophie. She was named after our great grandma.


Us with my mom's cousins, Jackie and Janice and our Tia Emma.


This is Carly and I with one of my mom's cousins. Her mom and my Grandma Julia are sisters.


These are my mom's cousins and thier dad, my great uncle Alfonso. Thier mom and my Grandma Julia are sisters.


Lauren and Javin.


This is my great grandma Sofia's house in Ogden. We don't know who lives there now, but we always have a hard time finding it when we drive by. There used to be a big tree in the front yard.


This is St. Joseph's church in Ogden. My great grandma used to walk to church here every Sunday. It's just down the street from her house. This is where we always go for family weddings and funerals.


And this is Scott on the way home. He had too much fun. : )

Happy Independence Day!

For the 4th of July we went to the Magna parade to watch Carly march with her high school drill team, the Spinnakers.


Here's Jaron. : )


Here he is with his little boy, Javin.


Javin with his mom, Lauren.


Here is my dad, ready for hanging out in the sun.


This is my husband, Brandon collecting parade candy.


This is my brother, Scott and his girlfriend, Saejin.


Here are Brandon and I in the middle of the street
before the very end of the parade.


We went to Magna Park for fireworks at the end of the day.