Merry Christmas

Kristin
Brandon
Jaron
Jaron & Lauren
Scott
Brooke
Carly
Dad
Christmas was alot of fun, as always. We were minus one, but it didn't feel like it. Like so many other times, your heart tells you she's still hanging out, and then your head opens it's big mouth and informs your heart otherwise. We were playing Monopoly and I kept looking up at a picture of my mom that her friend, Denise, sent each of us from their cruise that was sitting on the piano. I would feel normal and then I would notice that picture and go, "Oh, yeah."

I would get sad for half a second and then the feeling would be pushed away. Probably my heart telling my head, "Oh, yeah? She's right here!" On the flip-side, if my mom was still with us I wouldn't be playing games on Christmas, I'd probably be peeling potatoes.

She made Pumpkin Rolls every year for the neighbors for Christmas and Brooke wanted to give some away. So we searched for the recipe and I tried to act like I knew what I was doing but the first couple I made tasted kind of funny. I got it right eventually.

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part three...

Molly worked for many years as either a dental assistant or as an oral surgeon's assistant. Even though she enjoyed this work greatly, she seemed to have found her niche in teaching children. In her paper on Tuesdays with Morrie, she gives us a clue as to how she may have come to have such a love for teaching and for reaching out to the children in her classes:

"We all can look back through our lives and remember the teachers who made a difference in our lives and helped us become our best selves or who noticed us enough to let us know how important we were to them. My fifth grade teacher, for one, in North Carolina, Mrs. Pettis. She was a short rounded black woman with a smile for every one. I can't exactly remember what she did to make me feel special. I just know that she did. That feeling has stayed with me since that time."

Molly wished to touch the hearts of the children in her classes in a similar fashion. The children she taught brought her great joy and I can't help but think that she continues to be interested in them and wishing for their success in school and life.

Winter

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part two...

As part of the course on death and dying that Molly took for her degree at the University of Utah, Molly wrote a paper on the book Tuesdays With Morrie. She began the paper with her observations about Morrie:

"Morrie was lucky. He figured out what life was all about before it was too late. And best of all, he shared it with others. Morrie is the type of person who makes the world go round. People lucky enough to have him in their lives know how blessed they are. He gave his friends and family his most precious possession, time. Amazing how this one person had enough time to give not just to his family but to his friends and acquaintances as well. And how much richer they were for it. And not only did he spend time with them, he actually listened to them. "

This description of Morrie is interesting because it is how people who knew Molly would describe her. She saw in Morrie the characteristics that she exemplified. She continues her essay with:

"When Morrie found out about his disease, he was 'stunned by the normalcy of the day around him. Shouldn't the world stop? Don't they know what has happened to me?' I think when anything as startling as a death or knowledge of a fatal disease comes to the forefront of our lives, it is shocking that the world around us still continues. I thought this very same thing when my mother passed away. 'Don't they know?!' I couldn't understand how calloused the world was. Jokes about death on the late night shows, people celebrating and laughing like nothing had happened. And of course, in their lives, nothing had. But in mine, my foundation for life was gone. And though I believed in a life after life, it still was no consolation for the many years I would be without her. I wasn't ready to be without a mother at the young age of twenty-five. And as time went on and I became a mother, it was then when I fully understood her role as my mother. Finally, I was able to relate to her not only as a daughter but as mothers. And she was gone! My children would never know their grandmother. I would never be able to let her know how much I appreciated her in this life, but somehow I think she does know. I think when we invite our departed into our thoughts, they are aware of that."

I think Molly is correct about our departed being aware when we invite them into our thoughts. I think her use of the word invite is very interesting. One thought I have of Molly is that she certainly would have been a super grandmother!

Memories

Hi family,
I was going through pictures the other day and came upon this classic shot! I think it personifies Molly to a "T". She always had her camera ready.... this was taken in May on the day Jeremy went into the MTC.
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Aunt Laurie

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part one...

In the spring of 2001, Molly took a course called "Death and Dying" at the University of Utah. The course was designed to "explore and acquire knowledge concerning topics related to death and dying." Some of the areas to be considered were the "stages of grief, the dying process, and coping mechanisms." Taking this course for her degree program would have been a natural fit with her long-term interest in the afterlife.

Molly was also in the habit of keeping her class notes, assignments, tests, etc. for courses that she took. We came across her course assignments for this class and they included some passages that reveal a bit of how she viewed death and the afterlife. I think that Molly would certainly want to share some of these thoughts with those who were close to her in this life.

In one assignment, she wrote about her own grandmother. Although the circumstances of Molly's passing are shocking and tragic, she gives us an idea of the emotional joy that must have accompanied her reunion with those she loved who had preceded her into the next life:

"I believe that those buried are going on in another phase of life. I do believe in an after life. I had an interesting experience a month before my grandma died. I had a dream in which my grandpa who had passed away over twenty years ago came to me in my dream and told me it was time for her go and be with him. I was sad and cried that I didn't want her to go. But as I watched their reunion, I saw that they were ecstatic to see each other, so much so that they were dancing together with the biggest smiles I've ever seen. They were definitely happy to see each other again after so many years. I know their reunion was a celebration by the way my dream went. My grandma died surrounded by family and able to to do for herself til the end. She lived to be eighty-seven years old and remained in good health up to the last day. What an ideal way to go. It was sad to not have the interaction with her on a regular basis, but yet I was happy she got to finally be with my grandpa after being without him for so many years. They were happy together."

Did You Know?

My mom's Patriarchal Blessing tells her:

Let your light shine and your personality radiate...

Coincidence?

Carly's New Pet

Carly had a bird that kicked the bucket a few days ago named Kami. She loves birds so Kami was replaced. This is KiKi. She named it after my mom's cat that she had when we were little.



She's found a favorite spot in the Christmas tree.

Christmas is Coming

My mom made this decoration and others like it when we were really little. I think it's the only one left now.


This must have been a present from one of her students.

One of Mom's Trips

My mom sent me this email on March 26, 2008. She tells me to put her pictures on my blog and I thought, "Oh, my heck. You should have your own blog for all the stuff you've been doing." I don't think she was ever home for a whole week this past summer. She was in and out of the state and in and out of the country so much, I'm surprised she didn't forget where she lived! : )

Hi Honey...

It was nice to hear about your Dr.'s appt. I saw you that day and I have to read about it on your blog. I think it's pretty funny. I'm glad you can take a break from the meds. It will be interesting to see how things go. We'll hope for the best. Let me know if you sleep better.

Here's a couple pictures from our trip. I'll send more from school. This system can't do diddley-squat.

Here's some pictures to put on your blog. The pictures are of Dave Grimsman's big brother and me. It's through him that I became close to Dave and Tricia the Grimsman Family, and then, Carly and me in San Francisco waiting to get on the Trolly Car that got stuck going up the hill and we had to get off and walk to the top of the hill. It was fun.

Mom

I'm so old!

You'll have to forgive my diminishing posting frequency. I think my body is becoming less "in shock" and I'm starting to get that this is permanent. It gets harder and harder for me to think about and sometimes I even avoid thinking about it altogether.

I replay that day in my head, only to get upset that I wasn't there to help or angry that I have always been so nice to everyone when obviously there are people whose feelings I should not have been so careful with. I should have made more of an effort to keep them away from my family.

And then I think about the few months before that day. I would go running and my mom would call me and insist that I tell her when I was going so she could drive up to Bountiful to go with me. I would tell her that it was a ridiculous idea to drive half an hour to my house just to go running for an hour and then drive half an hour back home. She didn't care. She just wanted to be with me. She would do anything. I never told her when I went.

She would call me and want me to tell her when my husband's basketball games were so she could go. He plays three times a week, sometimes more. There are so many, I don't even go to all of them. I decided that they were such a casual thing and happened all the time so I should just tell her about the championship games. I never knew which ones were championships, so I never told her.

I've always had this attitude where I have to do everything myself. I hate having help and I didn't think I needed it, ever. I have always had my mother standing ready whenever I needed anything. I never thought I needed that support and now I don't know what to do without it.

Moms are supposed to be the ones to make you feel better when you're upset and that comfort has been taken away from me and my brothers and sisters.

I go about my day feeling like a kid lost in the mall, because the only thought in my head is, "I want my mom."

I'm tired of being sad and tired of being angry.

When I'd go home, she always tried to cuddle up to one of us on the couch and she would get her way no matter how much we squirmed and struggled. She would grab my hands and tell me how small my fingers used to be and that they're short and pudgy like my dad's. Then she would tell me about the day I was born. It was on Thanksgiving and my uncle was burning the turkey and the cat was locked in the garage, which was filling up with smoke from the kitchen. Poor cat. They eventually found her and let her out.

A week before she was taken away, she left a message on my voice mail. "Hi honey, I just wanted to tell you that I love you. Give me a call. Bye."

I erased it because I knew there would just be another one the next week.

I'm Grateful...

I'm grateful that my mom taught me good hygiene.
My mom was all about clean teeth. She would spend probably 20 minutes brushing and then another 20 minutes flossing. That's not even an exaggeration.


I'm grateful for my mom's enthusiasm for public events.
She chased down the torch when the Winter Olympics came to Salt Lake and dragged along whoever would go with her. I decided to remain indoors, where it was warm, and she called me when she found that torch to tell me all about how exciting it was. If there was a free concert or any kind of fair going on, she would find time to go to Salt Lake for those, too.


I'm grateful for my mom's support.
Here is Mom sitting in the Cyprus High School gym bleachers with her camcorder bag and camera right next to her. It could have been my or Brooke's Spinnaker Review or one of Carly's performances. She would also go to every one of Jaron's soccer games, Scott's Jiu Jitsu tournaments and would try to pry out of me when Brandon's basketball games were so she could get to those, too.

Thanksgiving Time

I thought, since Thanksgiving is coming up, I'd share some things I'm thankful that my mom did as I think of them.

I'm thankful that my mom taught me to dress nice.
When I was a teenager, of course I wanted to dress trendy, but what is trendy is not always what is modest or looks good. She would catch me in some outfit that I could only imagine made me look like a hoodlum and make me change my clothes. She would tell me, "The way you dress is the kind of people you'll attract. If you dress like a skank, you're not going to attract nice people." It makes sense.



I'm thankful my mom put me in dance lessons.
I was so enthusiastic about being on the dance teams in junior high and high school and I never would have had the talent if I hadn't had the training. When I was little, I would sit with her after a performance and we would watch other dancers and she would tell me, "You have to be sharp, Honey, like that girl." I was kind of a shy, mellow dancer when I was little.



I'm thankful my mom made me take piano lessons.
We would whine and whine because we hated practicing, but my mom made all five of us take piano. I have to admit that I love playing, but I still hate practicing. My mom would try to help us when we were stuck on a song. She'd stand by the piano and clap the beat and sing the notes. We would yell at her and tell her, "Mom! That's not helping. I can't play when you do that!"



I'm grateful for my mom's personality.
If nothing else, her antics make for a great story. I remember when Carly was a baby, she was taking a nap and one of the neighbor kids kept ringing our doorbell and running away. My mom was getting frustrated because she didn't want the baby to wake up. By the third time she had caught on to his plan. She waited for him to ring the doorbell and when he took off running she was right behind him. She caught him by the arm and swatted his behind and told him, "Now go home and tell your mother why I smacked you!"



I'm grateful my mom took us to visit our Great Grandma Sophie when we were little.
We hated when she would pile us into the back of the Baja truck every sunday and drive us up to Ogden to see our great grandma. There was nothing to do there, except try and find where the hole in the basement went, or go down the street and pick cherries, or dig in to the bowl of candy she always had on her kitchen table, or watch cable tv. :) On the way home, my brothers and sisters and I would always sing songs or tell eachother scary stories. We still laugh at the stuff we made up. Beside that, we got to know our great grandma!

Just a Moment of Change

I sit in my car for at least two hours everyday. There's nothing else to do in there except listen to music. These lyrics stuck out to me when I was listening to an old mix cd with some One Republic on it. This is from the song "All We Are":

We won't say our goodbyes.
You know it's better that way.
We won't break,
We won't die.
It's just a moment of change.

Thank You for the Birthday Wishes

To all who called, texted, emailed, commented, sent cards, sent letters, came by to visit, or even just had us on your minds, we are so grateful to have such wonderful and supportive friends and family. We love you.