I have found myself starting to struggle a little with the thought that my mom won't be around anymore. She won't be around for holidays or be in pictures when Scott, Brooke and Carly get married. Maybe we can make a cardboard cut-out like she did at Jaron's reception when Scott was on his mission. :) I'm wondering how she dealt with her mom being gone when we were born. I want so bad for my children to meet her. She used to tell me that she was going babysit my kids and when they started to get cranky she was going to tell them, "Okay, Go see your Grandma Janet now."
I stopped at her grave today just to hang out and whine about my feelings. I was telling her that I was finally starting to be upset that she was gone. I know it is part of some plan that Heavenly Father has and for whatever reason this was supposed to happen and we're not supposed to understand why; we're just supposed to deal with it. That's the whole reason we're on this earth. My mom did everything she was supposed to and Heavenly Father said, "Okay, Come home."
Anyway, I was struggling with feelings of peace and at the same time with anger about the whole situation. If she just had some kind of accident, it would be different. It would be ALOT easier. But my family is strong. I guess that is why this happened this way. Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle. We may not think we can handle it, but He knows us better than anyone, even ourselves.
When we closed the casket before the funeral, all of us kids put a note in our mother's hands. All the girls forgot to prepare something (surprise, surprise), so we wrote a note on the back of the boys'. On mine, one of the things I asked was for her to be with me. Just be with me while I try to be there for my family. Today, I finished my whine-fest with my mother and got back in my car. I was listening to Leona Lewis on the way in and when I turned my car back on, the stereo played the words, "I'll be with you forever, to get you through the day and make everything Okay."
My mom ... always looking out.
Sentencing
12 years ago
5 comments:
Kristin:
First of all - THANK YOU so much for taking the time to create and update this wonderful (blog) tribute to your Mom! You obviously have a lot of your Mother in you - because your strength and grace in the face of the tragedy and loss you've suffered is unmatched! I want you to know that, while creating and updating this blog may be therapeutic for you, it's also helping people/friends, like myself, whose lives have been touched by your Mom. I find myself checking your site daily, just to see if there's anything new. I've cried all morning as I've watched and re-watched the touching video tributes you created. I know your Mom is so unbelievably proud of you and your brothers and sisters. Just like Molly, you're all as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. You've carried yourselves in a way that is a true testament to her. Thank you again for sharing such intimate details and helping us all try to come to terms with such a tragic loss. (I would love to take you and Brittany - and any of your family that would like to come - and go to lunch or something sometime. It would be fun to spend some time together and share memories of your Mom). Take care and let me know if there's ANYTHING I can do for you or your family. You'll all remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Kristin,
I was thinking the other day what a fun grandma your mom would have been, and how sad it is that she won't get to be. Then I realized that she is being a grandma right now. All of her unborn grandkids are playing with her in heaven until they are ready to come to you.
Jill (Christensen) Storey
i dont really know you, or your mom (i am laurens sister beth anne) and i cried when i read your post.
i lost my grandmother 15 years ago, and i cannot fully relate with all of your feelings, but i can feel your loss. i still cry when i look at my sons and think that they never met the most amazing woman in my lofe.
but be strong. and know that when we are all together again, your mom will hug and kiss your children and never let them go. KNOWING that, while so many other dont, will help you be strong until you see her again.
i was at the viewing (im sure you dont remember me) and i thought how proud she would be of all you being able to be strong and do what needed to be done. i am certain she will be watching you always.
Robbins kids,
I've tried to leave a comment here before but it hasn't worked for some reason so I'm trying again. I hope it works this time. I also want to thank you for the tender thoughts and beautiful pictures and videos of Molly and you kids. It is truly a comfort to those of us who also mourn her loss and has helped my girls and I as we look at this often. On Sunday Rachel started crying while we were watching the Olympics closing ceremonies and when i asked her what was wrong she said she was thinking of Molly and missing her. I asked her what was making her think of that right then and she said last time we watched the Opening Ceremonies that was when we flipped the channel and saw what had happened to Molly on the news. It brought it all back to her. She and Sarah were so young when they were in your home but those feelings of love from Molly and you kids they will never forget. No matter the age, love like that can't be forgotten. They are blessed to remember that and how she called them "little precious" and how she cared about them. When they have seen her since she still has that love for them and they know it.
I have shown this blog spot to some of my close friends at work and after reading these things and the other site where there's many thoughts from others it has caused them to cry. They have said that it goes to show that all that matters in life is love, family and friends, memories and service. These Christ like attributes were what Molly was all about. I think of her often in the day and try and be more like her in the things that I do. I imagine on the other side of the veil people are lining up to be her friend as they feel the love she has for others. She will continue to touch people on both sides of the veil. How blessed we are to know her and know we will see her again. Thanks again for sharing this. We love you kids!
Brenda, Rachel and Sarah Milne
Hey Kristin,
Just thought i would thank you for all the time and effort you put into this page, it truely is wonderful and so amazing. I know molly is proud and she loves you so much! I love you Kristin!
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