Monday, October 17, 2011

People say holidays are the hardest, but I don't think so. During the holidays you have so much running around and getting ready to do. You get to hang out with family that you haven't seen for a while.

For me, the hardest times are little random times when I think something's funny and I know my mom would think it's funny...but I can't tell her about it. Or when I need to call and ask her what kind of salsa goes in the tortilla soup, because the batch I just made doesn't taste right. Or when she can't be at something that "mom's always go to".

When my nephew was born and when I had my son, I would feel so bad that my mother couldn't enjoy them. She would love them so much! And then I would feel angry and upset that she was robbed of this part of her life. She worked so hard raising my brothers and sisters and I and now is the time that she was supposed to just coast and be friends with her children and enjoy her grandchildren. It's not fair that such a wonderful person has to miss out on all of this. It's just not fair.

My patriarchal blessing has a line that says something like, "as you gather your family during conference time, you will sense that the prophets are speaking to you..."  At every single General Conference there is always something that sticks out to me or something that addresses something I had been thinking about. During the October 2011 conference, Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a talk titled "The Songs They Could Not Sing".

He says, "Many people face significant problems or even tragedy during this mortal journey....Sometimes tragedies are very personal....A loving parent's life is taken because of a thoughtless act or accident....Whenever tragedy occurs, we mourn and strive to bear one another's burdens. We lament the things that will not be accomplished and the songs that will not be sung.

"Some challenges result from the agency of others. Agency is essential for individuals spiritual growth and development. Evil conduct is an element of agency. Captain Moroni explained, "The Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgement may come upon the wicked." He made it clear that the righteous are not lost but "enter into the rest of the Lord their God." The wicked will be held accountable for the atrocities they perpetrate.

"A unique challenge for those who have lost loved ones is to avoid dwelling on the lost opportunities....The lost opportunity might relate to family, occupation, talents, experiences or others.

"...the Father's plan of happines for His children includes not only a premortal and mortal life, but also an eternal life as well, including a great and glorious reunion with those we have lost. All wrongs will be righted, and we will see with perfect clarity and faultless perspective and understanding."

It made me feel better that Heavenly Father knows the heart ache we feel and I don't need to worry about all the times and experiences my mother is missing, because "all wrongs will be righted."