Morena Molly Valdez Robbins

2011-10-17T10:54:00.000-06:00

People say holidays are the hardest, but I don't think so. During the holidays you have so much running around and getting ready to do. You get to hang out with family that you haven't seen for a while.

For me, the hardest times are little random times when I think something's funny and I know my mom would think it's funny...but I can't tell her about it. Or when I need to call and ask her what kind of salsa goes in the tortilla soup, because the batch I just made doesn't taste right. Or when she can't be at something that "mom's always go to".

When my nephew was born and when I had my son, I would feel so bad that my mother couldn't enjoy them. She would love them so much! And then I would feel angry and upset that she was robbed of this part of her life. She worked so hard raising my brothers and sisters and I and now is the time that she was supposed to just coast and be friends with her children and enjoy her grandchildren. It's not fair that such a wonderful person has to miss out on all of this. It's just not fair.

My patriarchal blessing has a line that says something like, "as you gather your family during conference time, you will sense that the prophets are speaking to you..." At every single General Conference there is always something that sticks out to me or something that addresses something I had been thinking about. During the October 2011 conference, Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a talk titled "The Songs They Could Not Sing".

He says, "Many people face significant problems or even tragedy during this mortal journey....Sometimes tragedies are very personal....A loving parent's life is taken because of a thoughtless act or accident....Whenever tragedy occurs, we mourn and strive to bear one another's burdens. We lament the things that will not be accomplished and the songs that will not be sung.

"Some challenges result from the agency of others. Agency is essential for individuals spiritual growth and development. Evil conduct is an element of agency. Captain Moroni explained, "The Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgement may come upon the wicked." He made it clear that the righteous are not lost but "enter into the rest of the Lord their God." The wicked will be held accountable for the atrocities they perpetrate.

"A unique challenge for those who have lost loved ones is to avoid dwelling on the lost opportunities....The lost opportunity might relate to family, occupation, talents, experiences or others.

"...the Father's plan of happines for His children includes not only a premortal and mortal life, but also an eternal life as well, including a great and glorious reunion with those we have lost. All wrongs will be righted, and we will see with perfect clarity and faultless perspective and understanding."

It made me feel better that Heavenly Father knows the heart ache we feel and I don't need to worry about all the times and experiences my mother is missing, because "all wrongs will be righted."

Molly as a Little Girl:

2011-07-18T19:53:00.003-06:00

Molly's Christmas Thoughts - 1994

2010-12-19T07:15:00.003-07:00

Molly frequently would write a Christmas newsletter to send to friends and family. In the letter she wrote for 1994 she describes what each child was doing that year, etc. She also wrote some general comments that I think she would like to share this year.

She began the letter with:

"This was supposed to be our Christmas greeting to you but events preceding Christmas changed all that. So I thought a New Year greeting would be appropriate and close enough to Christmas that you would all forgive me for being so late. But, we're well into the new year so I guess Happy Valentine's Day will have to do. Hopefully, this letter will get out to you by then. If not, fill in the blanks to whichever holiday this letter arrives closest to."

The events that delayed this letter center around the death of her grandmother, Sofia, which occurred toward the end of the year.

She describes some of this later in the letter:

"Unfortunately, our year ended with the death of my eighty-eight year old grandma. Her death came as a surprise. For some reason I thought she would live forever. But I guess it was more of what I had hoped. She was the nurturer in my life and the one I spent most of my time with. She was my best friend. If I could have had a choice in the way she died, I would have chosen the way she died. She was strong and healthy until the very end. She lived in the house she loved with those she loved. She had a couple of heart attacks the night before she died where she was surrounded by family in her death and greeted by family she missed. Her place in this life will never be filled. Her absence is very difficult to get used to. I still find myself including her in my plans only to have to re-route my thinking in the process. I'm glad my children got to know her and have her be as big a part of their lives s she was in mine. Grandparents bring a special touch of magic to our lives."

I hesitated to include this paragraph at Christmas and was planning to post it at some other time, but I think that Molly would like it posted now.

Perhaps the feeling that we are are indeed still connected with those who have gone before us is not thought about enough and she would like us to realize this and consider what this means.

Some of Molly's thoughts about her grandmother are certainly the thoughts many of us have about Molly.

Molly ends the letter by directing her thoughts toward those she was sending the letter to:

"In sending this late Christmas letter, I hope to let all of you know how much we appreciate you as friends and family and hope you will forgive me in my lack of correspondence. You have all touched our lives in such special ways and have helped us to grow to a greater depth of knowledge of who we are by adding to our lives. We cherish the memories you have given us. I sincerely hope that 1995 finds us renewing and adding to those memories.

Love from the Robbins Family"

It would be difficult to find a better expression of this aspect of Christmas.

I am sure that Molly would want to express something very much like this if she were still with us in this particular sphere of existence.

Molly's Birthday - 10/31/2010

2010-12-12T09:42:00.013-07:00

On Molly's birthday this year we gathered for a bit at her grave site. It was a nice clear day and we took some photos. Kristin put up the "Molly" sign that she had made for Molly's first grave site marker.

One of Molly's students had left a very nice drawing at the site.

Javin, Molly's first grandchild, was very interested in the sign and added an angelic touch with his presence.

Molly's 12/21/89 Letter To Her Children

2010-11-19T20:47:00.005-07:00

I came across a letter today that Molly had written to her children on 12/21/89. Although Carly was not yet born, Molly would certainly have included her in her sentiments.

Molly was in Long Beach to attend the wedding of one of her close friends aboard the Queen Mary.

Molly describes various aspects of the trip and the ship and then tells the children:

"I wish you could all be here with me. It's hard for me to go away from you. When I'm away, I think about you all the time. I can't detach myself from you. You're all so precious to me."

She ends the letter with:

I will see you soon on Saturday. I love you all so much. Don't ever forget that!

Your Mommy"

(Molly drew a small heart with an arrow through it at the end).

I suspect that Molly's feelings are exactly the same now.

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

2010-10-31T15:58:00.001-06:00

Georgie Valdez, Grandma Julia Valdez, Hernan Valdez, Molly Valdez Robbins
The weather gets cold and the leaves turn and the little spooks and goblins come out and I remember you. Not that I don't think of you everyday and miss you terribly, there's a void in my life that will never be filled but life goes on, just differently and a little sadder. I smile at all the celebration and I pretend that it's all for you. I love you , Happy Birthday. I miss you.

-Hernan Valdez, 10/30/2010

Javin is 1!!

2010-09-01T11:47:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday, Bug!

This scoop's for you, Mom.

2010-08-08T13:07:00.003-06:00

I can't tell you how much you're missed.

P.S. You're going to be a grandma again. Here is a picture of when Brandon and I told everybody else:

Martinez Family Reunion

2010-07-11T23:16:00.002-06:00

My mom always liked to make sure we knew who our family was. On Saturday, we went to a family reunion for my great grandma's family and got to meet some extended relatives.

Here is my mother's uncle Alfonso and my great grandma's little sister, Emma. Everyone calls her Tia Emma.

Here we are with some more cousins, Tia Emma and her daughter, Chena, my uncles, Hernan and Georgie and our cousin, Sophie.

This is me with my cousin, Sophie. She was named after our great grandma.

Us with my mom's cousins, Jackie and Janice and our Tia Emma.

This is Carly and I with one of my mom's cousins. Her mom and my Grandma Julia are sisters.

These are my mom's cousins and thier dad, my great uncle Alfonso. Thier mom and my Grandma Julia are sisters.

Lauren and Javin.

This is my great grandma Sofia's house in Ogden. We don't know who lives there now, but we always have a hard time finding it when we drive by. There used to be a big tree in the front yard.

This is St. Joseph's church in Ogden. My great grandma used to walk to church here every Sunday. It's just down the street from her house. This is where we always go for family weddings and funerals.

And this is Scott on the way home. He had too much fun. : )

Happy Independence Day!

2010-07-11T22:50:00.000-06:00

For the 4th of July we went to the Magna parade to watch Carly march with her high school drill team, the Spinnakers.

Here's Jaron. : )

Here he is with his little boy, Javin.

Javin with his mom, Lauren.

Here is my dad, ready for hanging out in the sun.

This is my husband, Brandon collecting parade candy.

This is my brother, Scott and his girlfriend, Saejin.

Here are Brandon and I in the middle of the street
before the very end of the parade.

We went to Magna Park for fireworks at the end of the day.

Mother's Day

2010-05-11T16:46:00.007-06:00

My mom used to take us to the Ogden City cemetery on Mother's day when we were little to visit her mom. I have to admit that it still doesn't seem real that we will have to do the same thing. Even with a picture in front of my face, it doesn't feel real. I think it's because I can still feel my mom around. That sounds really dumb, but it's the only way to describe it. I can feel it when she's around me and when she's not.

Little Javin hasn't really been outside much so he's not used to the brightness of the sun. We tried to get him to crawl around but I think he was kind of unsure of moving around in the grass. Cute little bug!

Brooke and Thad

2010-04-25T13:31:00.003-06:00

Brooke and Thad were married yesterday in a cute little garden center in Sandy. Thad's uncle married them and did a wonderful job. It became apparent that he was a little nervous about performing his first marriage when he asked Thad if he took Brooke "Gibbons" instead of "Robbins". That will be a fun story to tell their kids. It was great to have all of our friends and family get together.

One of my best friends was the photographer so we'll have a lot more pictures later, but for now here are a couple that I took at the end of the night...

Me, Brooke, Carly and our cousin, Skyler

Brandon and I

Lauren, Javin and Jaron

Jaron, Carly, Brooke, Me and Scott
Jaron and Scott like to rough-house whenever they're together and I guess they decided to include Brookie because it was her special day. : )

Enter to Learn...

2010-04-24T07:47:00.007-06:00

Yesterday, Scott graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Information Technology from Brigham Young University.

The Fam

Brooke, Dad, Carly, Scott, Javin & Lauren, Jaron, Me and Brandon

Grandpa and Grandma Robbins, Scott, Grandma Dixie

Our cousins Jade, Janice and Derek with Scott
We had a rough time looking for Scott's name in the program. Everyone was looking in the R's but he had added some flair to the end, which moved it to the V's.

Congratulations, Snotty!

Happy Birthday, Scotty!

2010-03-02T13:12:00.007-07:00

Oh, wait. He's not done.

That was Carly's idea. : )

Carly's Sweet 16

2010-02-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

Because she's the precious!

Peach Pie was her special request. I made it from scratch (because that's how my mom always made it) and it didn't turn out crappy, so I'm quite pleased with my baking skills at the moment. : )

PS. We call her "Barky" sometimes because if you text her name with predictive text, it comes up with that instead of "Carly". It's kind of funny.

Yay!

Fun Memories:)

2010-02-15T15:39:00.001-07:00

CUTE LITTLE BABY JAVIN:) HAHA SCOTT ADDED SOME CAPTIONS

2010-02-15T13:14:00.003-07:00

Javin sez: "I is no gurl!"

Sleep iz gude!

"Dat trip frum the North Pole wuz craazy!"

Borrowing Dad's Clothes Already

2010-01-27T11:47:00.003-07:00

My mom kept all of our clothes from when we were little. Probably for this very reason:

(That's Jaron in the little picture.)

Merry Christmas!

2010-01-18T23:15:00.003-07:00

Brandon, Me and Javin

Lauren

Jaron

Carly and Javin

Dad

Brooke and Javin

Thad and Javin

Scott
Here is a little bit of the baby playing with one of his Christmas presents.

Molly's thoughts about Christmas 2007

2009-12-25T08:29:00.003-07:00

For Christmas in 2007, Molly sent out a family newsletter to family and friends. Her thoughts on Christmas then are still very much applicable to 2009:

"Another year with many joyous milestones has passed. We count the many blessings we have been given this year by our Heavenly Father and thank Him. He has been so gracious to us. We also give many thanks for you, our ever-staying friends and family, who have blessed our lives with many wonderful memories. Your presence in our lives has brought happiness and peace to us."

She also makes this observation:

"There is nothing more rewarding for a parent than to know how happy your children are."

Molly comments about her teaching position in such a way that allows us to sense her excitement at having found a job-field that she enjoys very much:

"I think I have the perfect dream job. I teach 2nd grade at a new school in its second year that is only two miles away. I work with a wonderful group of people who I love and enjoy being with. I have an adorable class I could take home and keep as my own. It's an honor to share my day with each precious child. "

She ends the newsletter with the following, which I am sure she would repeat this year:

"We love this time of year when we get to hear from you on how you and your family are doing. Thank you for thinking of us.

Merry Christmas and a happy 2008 New Year!!!"

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part seven...

2009-12-19T17:36:00.005-07:00

Molly kept a few items in the drafts-section of her e-mail account that she had come across from forwards to her or perhaps from elsewhere. The following poem touches on the theme of someone who has departed looking after loved ones. This link between the two worlds and the ability to help on occasion is a view that Molly held in her own life quite strongly:

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile

They said had run the light

That caused the six-car pileup

On 109 that night.

When broken bodies lay about

And blood was everywhere,

The sirens screamed out eulogies,

For death was in the air.

A mother, trapped inside her car,

Was heard above the noise;

Her plaintive plea near split the air:

"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"

She fought to loose her pinned hands;

She struggled to get free,

But mangled metal held her fast

In grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused

On where the back seat once had been,

But all she saw was broken glass and

Two children's seats crushed in.

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;

She did not hear them cry

And then she prayed they'd been thrown free,

"Oh, God, don't let them die! "

Then firemen came and cut her loose,

But when they searched the back,

They found therein no little boys,

But the seat belts were intact.

They thought the woman had gone mad

And was traveling alone,

But when they turned to question her,

They discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild

And screaming above the noise

In beseeching supplication,

"Please help me find my boys!"

"They're four years old and wear blue shirts;

Their jeans are blue to match."

One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car,

And they don't have a scratch."

"They said their daddy put them there

And gave them each a cone,

Then told them both to wait for Mom

To come and take them home.

I've searched the area high and low,

But I can't find their dad.

He must have fled the scene,

I guess, and that is very bad."

The mother hugged the twins and said,

While wiping at a tear,

"He could not flee the scene, you see,

For he's been dead a year."

The cop just looked confused and asked,

"Now, how can that be true?"

The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came

And left a kiss for you."

He told us not to worry

And that you would be all right,

And then he put us in this car with

The pretty, flashing light.

We wanted him to stay with us,

Because we miss him so,

But Mommy, he just hugged us tight

And said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand

And told us not to fuss, "

And he said to tell you, Mommy,

He's watching over us."

The mother knew without a doubt

That what they spoke was true,

For she recalled their dad's last words,

"I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain

The twisted, mangled car,

And how the three of them escaped

Without a single scar.

But on the cop's report was scribed,

In print so very fine,

"An angel walked the beat tonight

on Highway 109."

Happy Birthday, Kristin!!! :D

2009-11-25T21:36:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2009-10-31T00:00:00.000-06:00

"Handsome Grandpa George"

2009-10-29T09:23:00.008-06:00

A week and a half ago we trekked up to Idaho to visit our Grandpa George. On Monday we received a phone call that he had passed away.

October 17, 2009
OBITUARY

Javin Loves Carly

2009-10-15T07:48:00.000-06:00

Look at him all cuddled up with her.

Carly's First Dance

2009-10-10T19:22:00.013-06:00

This week has been Homecoming at Carly's high school and tonight is the Homecoming dance.

Here is Carly and her best friend, Jill, all ready to go.

Their dates were an hour and a half late so they needed a little snack.

Here they are with some of their group.

Here is Carly and her date, Sheldon.

Happy Birthday, Brandon!

2009-10-09T22:33:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday, Brookie!

2009-09-25T22:37:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday, Lauren!

2009-09-16T22:35:00.000-06:00

Javin Is Here!!!

2009-09-02T13:00:00.007-06:00

Javin Edward Robbins was born September 1, 2009 at 2:50 am, weighs 7 lbs. 10 oz. and is 20 inches long.

Here's the little guy, fresh out of the oven at 3:00 in the morning!

It has been decided that he looks like Jaron with Lauren's nose and eyebrows. Here he is next to a picture of Jaron at about 3 or 4 weeks.

Carly and her new nephew!

Here is a video of Lauren telling Carly about his eyes.

Don't you love his little squeaks? : )

The new, happy Robbins Family!

Congratulations Brookie and Thad!

2009-08-23T21:02:00.005-06:00

They are getting married in April!!

This picture is kind of at a weird angle, but look at her cute ring!

Endure It Well

2009-08-10T08:16:00.004-06:00

The past week, some things have been on my mind that I tried and tried to not think about. Particularly the whole awful reason for this blog which occurred one year ago. I'm tired of crying, tired of feeling robbed, tired of feeling sorry for myself, tired of feeling like the whole world is this horrible place that I'm stuck sharing with horrible people who do horrible things. Yeah, it feels that bad sometimes.

We had a lesson in sunday school last Sunday at church about Joseph Smith and the persecution of the Saints. In D&C 121, Joseph sees the people being tormented and pleads with the Lord to do something to make their suffering end. Heavenly Father tells him (verse 7), "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment. (verse 8) And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all they foes."

When things are hard, it is easy to forget that this life isn't our last stop. Compared to our eternal life, this will seem like a few seconds. This event could have sent my brothers and sisters and I in any number of directions. We could let anger take us over, we could let sorrow take us over, so much that we fall into a spiral of depression that warps our thoughts and makes us selfish and slaves to our overpowering emotions. I think this is what Heavenly Father means to avoid when he says, "Endure it well." There is no reason to walk around the rest of your life letting something like this take you over, cursing your existence because you feel bad or cursing Heavenly Father's existence for picking on you. Basically, I thinks it's a nice way of saying, "Drop the 'poor me' attitude and spend your efforts on something useful."

In D&C 122: 6-7, Heavenly Father describes to Joseph Smith all the horrible things that could happen to him. He then explains to him, "know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." The trials we have here are meant to help us learn and grow. Bad things don't just happen to people for no reason. I believe these things happen to righteous people because we can handle it, because we understand that some people fall into temptation from Satan and we are left suffering because of it. We know that we were sent to this earth to learn and to do what we can to better ourselves. What greater opportunity to exercise what we've been taught and to understand enough to leave behind the vengeful, angry thoughts and feelings that come from being betrayed and hurt by someone you know?

In D&C 122:9, Joseph Smith is told, "Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." Thy days are known...and shall not be numbered less, huh? Interesting. I am comforted knowing that this is part of a plan, awful as it may be. My mother was sent here for a short time but apparently had accomplished what she was supposed to. I was sent here at this time and to this family, Heavenly Father knowing that this is what I would have to deal with and trusting me enough to let me take it on. No man can do anything to take away my knowledge of this. No man can take away the lessons I have learned. No man can take away the people I love because I know that whatever happens on this earth, it is not the end.

Whatever comes, we cannot buckle under the weight of it. We cannot fall victim to the emotions that overwhelm it. We cannot lose sight of what we are really here for. We are not here to suffer, we are here to prosper. Whatever comes, we must endure it well.

America's Next Top Model?

2009-07-21T23:25:00.006-06:00

Carly had her drill team pictures taken the other day and since she didn't want to pay for a makeover, my dad brought her down to my office so I could fix her hair all fancy. After work, we decided to go out to the field behind my mom's house to take some pictures while she was extra cute!

Happy 4th!

2009-07-21T23:03:00.008-06:00

Happy Independence Day! We spent the morning at the Magna parade to see Carly march with the Spinnakers.

Here's a little video...

Carly and Jill

Here is Jaron and Lauren (and Javin pretty soon!), Daniela and Scott, Me, Brookie, Carly and Eunice, and Dad.

At night we headed to Magna Park for some spectacular fireworks!

She Must Have Heard Me Crying

2009-06-27T09:57:00.003-06:00

For the past few weeks I had been feeling really crappy because I kept remembering every horrible thing I ever did or said to my mother when I was growing up. I would just bawl because I was totally feeling like the crappiest daughter in the world.

My husband and I moved into our very first home last weekend and this morning I've been pulling stuff out of boxes and putting it away. I found a birthday card my mom gave me in 2007:

Kristin,
My world and life changed the day you came into my life. Love took on a new meaning, and it was then I learned what real love was. You have always been a joy to have, always a perfect example, so sweet, so kind, and so loving. Thank you for allowing me the honor of being your mother. I love you. Mom

I love you, Mom!

Side note: I also found a recipe for my Grandpa's tortilla soup that she wrote down for me, which is my favorite soup and I thought it was lost forever because I never got her to show me how to make it.

Thanks, Mom!

Go Carly!

2009-05-30T00:37:00.005-06:00

Wednesday night was Carly's 9th grade Awards Night. She got an award for excellence in Social Studies and also one for having outstanding citizenship during the school year.

Here is Carly and her friend, Jill, showing off their awards.
Dad, Carly and Kristin
Jill's mom said somebody gave them too much sugar. LOL : )

Happy Mother's Day, indeed.

2009-05-24T11:22:00.001-06:00

I think I am back to my "don't-like-talking-about-my-feelings" self again. My mom always told me she thought it was weird that I never said how I felt or what I thought about stuff. I wanted to have something up here for Mother's Day, but it's one of those things that just ended up being too weighty for me to drag myself through. I miss my mom and the more I think about the future, the angrier I get. Jaron is having a baby, Carly is entering high school, Scott and Brooke are going to get married eventually and we have to do it all without our mom. How are you supposed to get along without someone who has been in your life, taken care of you, helped you, loved you literally every day since even before you were born?

There were definitely days where my mom and I didn't get along. When I'd come home ten minutes after curfew, we'd argue and say things to eachother that you probably shouldn't ever say to anybody. There were some days where we would laugh at the dumb things we did. We tried walking into Shopko one day and stood in front of an "automatic" door for at least 10 seconds waiting for it to open. We stood there like idiots until one of us read the big "Do Not Enter" sign that was in front of our faces. It was an "exit only" door. Ha ha!

When I'd get mad at her for not letting me go do something she'd tell me, "I don't care. I'm not your friend. I'm your mother." Brooke and I were talking about how kids now are out of control and they would be alot more respectable if they had parents instead of more friends. It drove me crazy then, but I totally see that it makes sense now.

I thought it was so annoying when I was little that we never, and I mean never, got to go to McDonald's when I was a kid. I probably remember twice in my entire childhood that she took us. She also wouldn't let us spend too much time in front of the TV. We could watch for like an hour, then she would make us go outside and play.

There were tons of things she would do that would drive me crazy, but every time I rolled my eyes, I would get this thought in my head telling me, "You're going to miss that when she's gone."

My mom used to carry this locket around in her purse with her mother's picture in it.
The whole week before Mother's Day I was feeling really crappy. On Saturday, I decided I was going to drive to the cemetery and have a "poor me" session and Scott called while I was on my way and wanted me to go to the temple with him. I kind of felt like, "Meh, I don't really feel like it but it'll probably do me some good." So we went and decided to only stay for half an hour because we were already hungry and it was getting late. I was fine until I noticed that one of the ladies helping had on the exact same temple dress my mom had....the exact same one she was buried in. The poor lady probably thought I hated her outfit because I just kept staring her up and down. Then I started bawling and she put her arm around me and said, "The blessings are so great, aren't they?" and I told her about my mom and that her dress was making me cry and she held my hand and told me, "I'm really glad you came today."

On Sunday I felt alot better. Brandon and I met my brothers and sisters and dad at the cemetery and I had made new "letters" to put up. The last ones were getting pretty weathered and the grounds keepers threw them away. We wanted to poke new holes in the ground to put the sticks in but it was too hard and we couldn't get them straight. This is how my mom's name ended up:

Scott tried shoving the middle "L" into the ground and it broke. When we put the last ones in, the groundskeepers had just replaced the dirt so it was soft and we were able to slide the sticks in the ground real easily. Not so much this time. LOL I'll have to think of something new to get them to stand up.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Miss you....

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part six...

2009-04-22T22:06:00.005-06:00

On February 6, 2001, Molly wrote a reaction paper about a speaker who discussed Tibetan Buddhism.

Molly commented on the idea of reincarnation as follows:

"The idea of having many lifetimes somehow sounds relieving to be able to go back and live your life over and over again until you got it right. It would be refreshing to know that you get more than one chance to make amends. I don't totally believe in reincarnation as Terry describes it, but believe in an afterlife and the opportunity to live again, only not in another form or different body, the same body, but better, all fixed up."

She continues with this interesting observation:

"It was interesting hearing about our spiritual DNA that makes up our individual temperaments. Any parent with more than one child knows how unique and different each child is and how they react to things. So it makes sense to refer to this unique and individualized 'pattern of behavior' that we all possess as spiritual DNA."

I agree wholeheartedly with this observation.

It is also very fascinating to me to see how Molly's ideas about death are always intertwined with her thoughts about life and her experiences of others.

Happy Birthday, Scott!

2009-03-02T20:37:00.005-07:00

Big 2-3! He's like, "What's up, ladies?!"

Happy Birthday, Carly!

2009-02-26T11:47:00.002-07:00

She's 15 now and keeps trying to get everyone to let her drive their cars! We went shopping on her birthday and her friends made her wear this sign and tiara around school all day. Then they threw her a surprise party on friday. What fun friends! :)

Thank you Gearld Wright Elementary and West Valley Elementary

2009-02-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

Some of the teachers my mom taught with from West Valley Elementary and Gearld Wright Elementary (Yes, that's how it's spelled!) got together and made us a quilt. Several people made squares that represented what our mom meant to them.

Thank you!! This means so much to us!

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part five...

2009-02-21T19:43:00.004-07:00

On February 27, 2001, Molly wrote a reaction paper for a speaker who had talked about hospice care for the terminally ill. In this paper, Molly tells us how she would have preferred her own death to be. She states:

"What a comfort to know that something like Hospice is available when one most needs to feel at ease. We all would like to be able to have a choice in the way we die. Hospice tries to make that as much a reality as possible. If I had a choice, I would like to be at home surrounded by family with the least amount of pain as possible and still be coherent enough to enjoy my surroundings at home with my family. It's nice to know there is an organization available that will try to make this wish a strong possibility."

The circumstances of Molly's death prevented her from having the choice she speaks about above. Even so, it seems that a greater regret for Molly would be an element of what she outlines in the following:

"I think it would be easier to die knowing you lived your life with the five things she [the speaker] described: not so much who loved you but who and how you loved, forgiving others and helping them to forgive you, showing others how much you appreciated them by thanking them and reminding them what they gave to you has meaning in your life, and saying good-bye. A lot of distress comes over the fact of not getting to say good-bye one last time. This does indeed help one to not just die better, but to live better as well. Living well helps one to die well. I think it brings more peace to one's heart and soul and less regrets."

I feel very strongly that Molly would have wanted to say good-bye one last time to those who she was close to. Some, of course, are people she knew for years. Some had been instrumental in her life at different points. Others may be people she knew only a short time. I think her heartfelt goodbye to all would have been framed within a sincere sense of how important each person is and her prayer that they find in this life those things that are most valuable and important.

The First Grandbaby...

2009-02-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

...will be here in late August/early September!

Congratulations to Jaron and Lauren!

I remember...

2009-02-01T16:32:00.005-07:00

I remember listening to the radio and talking to my mom about how cute Jon Bon Jovi is.

When we would go on road trips, my mom would turn up the radio really loud and sing along, but she wouldn't sing the melody, she would sing the harmony and it drove us crazy. We would yell at her and say, "Mom, sing WITH the music or don't sing at all!"

My mom liked to put her feet on everybody. We'd tell her to knock it off and she would just do it more.

She would fall asleep on the couch in front of the window and open the blinds so the sun could warm her up. Then she'd grab one of the cats to cuddle with. We had only one cat that liked this. All the others were forced to cuddle against their will. "That's what kitties are for," she'd tell us when we complained to her to leave the cats alone.

When I was little, she would make me go to school in these ridiculous outfits that I hated. I remember I would fight and cry and she would just tell me, "Don't you dare change your clothes. You look cute, now stop it!"

When my mom and I were Christmas shopping one year, we got stopped at the mall by one of those guys at a kiosk selling rice bags that you heat up in the microwave to keep you warm. We asked him what was in it and he told us rice and tea. We looked at eachother and went, "We can make that ourselves." That's what we handed out to the neighbors and family for Christmas in 2006.

She really liked the movie Meet the Parents. She thought it was hilarious.

My mom would make us help her with yard work. She'd spend a whole saturday morning pulling weeds and edging the lawn and leave all the clippings all over the sidewalk and tell us to clean it up. We'd tell her, "You're the one that made the mess. You clean it up." That logic works for toys and spills but not yardwork.

We have peach trees in our back yard and my mom canned peaches for about 3 years in a row. I think up until last year we were finding jars of peaches in our basement that said "92" and "94" on them. They tasted just as good as they did 16 years ago!

I remember waiting for my mom to finish the "Beat The New Year" race with my dad and brothers and sisters in the blue station wagon. We'd go to the finish line at midnight and look for her. She always left with a T-shirt and a plaque that said, "I beat 1992!" or which ever year it was. I think she has four or five of them.

In junior high, I got big enough to fit into her clothes...and she could fit into mine. It was all free game from then on.

She told me she got kicked out of Disneyland one year for throwing a rotten apple off the skyride and hitting Cinderella in the head with it.

She had this horrible perfume that she loved called Emeraude. When she put it on it would make the whole house smell.

Her favorite flavor for anything was peach.

She would put fake flowers in the bushes in front of our house to "give them some color."

Her favorite drink was to take a glass of water, squeeze as many lemon slices as could fit into it and then add salt. I don't know how she even got the idea for it.

She really liked the chips and salsa from Chili's.

Mom & Carly 1994

2009-01-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part four...

2009-01-16T21:43:00.005-07:00

Molly visited the Pleasant Green Cemetery on February 10, 2001. This is what she noted about the cemetery:

"This cemetery I visited on Saturday afternoon, Feb. 10th, located about as far west as you can go on the Oquirrah Mountains and Kennecot provided an interesting and unique experience. I was told that the nature of civilization can be judged by how the people regard their dead. It is not like the regular cemeteries found within the city with many ordinances and specifications. This cemetery is as distinctive as each individual buried there."

On one headstone at this cemetery she found a quote by Helen Keller. She chose to begin her paper about the cemetery visit with this quote:

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched-they must be felt with the heart."

She also spoke with a man who was visiting one of the graves. The man's 42-year old son had recently been killed in a traffic accident and the man would come to the grave two or three times each week. Molly wrote:

"As he talked about his son, he expressed a hope that life just had to go on after death. He told of how his son's baby daughter would look off into the corner of the ceiling and 'goo' at someone, even though no one was visibly there. He believed it to be his son visiting. He also told of how his cats would look wide-eyed at something in his son's room with expressed interest, again while no one else seemed to be there. I hoped that it was with comfort that he was able to express his feelings and thoughts about his son with me."

Within the uniqueness of this particular cemetery, Molly notices Helen Keller's fascinating quote and lives it in her interaction with this man. Part of Molly's uniqueness was precisely in her desire to communicate with people in this way.

Grandma's Hands (One of the Many Email Forwards My Mom Sent Me)

2009-01-07T09:21:00.003-07:00

My mom was a big email forwarder. I've been cleaning up my inbox and found this that she sent to me in April of 2007. I've been sitting here for 10 minutes, reading it and trying not to cry because I'm at work.

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. Shedidn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said in a clear voice strong.

"I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to her.

"Have you ever looked at your hands," she asked. "I mean really looked at your hands?"

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served You well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak, have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life.

"They braced and caught my fall, when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.

"They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band, they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse.

"They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.

"They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day, when not much of anything else of me works real well, these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.

"These hands are the mark of where I've been, and the ruggedness of life. But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands, He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ."

I will never look at my hands the same again, but I will remember, God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home.

I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.

-Author Unknown

But, To The Man of Faith...

2009-01-02T21:12:00.004-07:00

How bitter must be the suffering and grief of those who see nothing beyond the grave except the beginning of eternal night and oblivion. For them that thus believe, death has its sting and the grave its victory. To them, even the glory of this earth is but the last flickering of a candle in unending blackness.

But, to the man of faith, death is but the taking up again of the life he broke off when he came to this earth.

-Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant

I am eternally grateful to my mother for raising me with the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Because of this I know that families can be together forever. I know that following commandments yields blessings and not following commandments yields you being on your own. (Simple, yet so hard to get sometimes.)

Heavenly Father tells us what we should and shouldn't do to take care of our bodies. Doctors on this earth sometimes tell us things are okay that Heavenly Father says are not. I'm going to go with the guy who created my body and knows how it works.

This life is for us to experience and make choices. We may suffer the consequences of others' choices, and we will be judged on how we react and handle what we've been given. Do not let your heart be overwhelmed by sorrow, anger or hurt, because it is so easy in this situation. Believe me. (Maybe this is a personal post-it for myself.)

Heavenly Father does not want us to be unhappy and He has given us this gospel so we can be as happy as possible. (Once again, He made the earth and made us and knows how it's all supposed to work...gave us a user's manual and everything.) He gave us our agency so we can make choices and be held responsible. I believe that, like any parent, He is ecstatic when we make right choices and feels bad when we make wrong ones. We are supposed to learn from our experiences on this earth, including learning to better ourselves, and then leave and continue the life we had before we came here. That's the whole point.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-28T16:03:00.004-07:00

Kristin
Brandon
Jaron
Jaron & Lauren
Scott
Brooke
Carly
Dad
Christmas was alot of fun, as always. We were minus one, but it didn't feel like it. Like so many other times, your heart tells you she's still hanging out, and then your head opens it's big mouth and informs your heart otherwise. We were playing Monopoly and I kept looking up at a picture of my mom that her friend, Denise, sent each of us from their cruise that was sitting on the piano. I would feel normal and then I would notice that picture and go, "Oh, yeah."

I would get sad for half a second and then the feeling would be pushed away. Probably my heart telling my head, "Oh, yeah? She's right here!" On the flip-side, if my mom was still with us I wouldn't be playing games on Christmas, I'd probably be peeling potatoes.

She made Pumpkin Rolls every year for the neighbors for Christmas and Brooke wanted to give some away. So we searched for the recipe and I tried to act like I knew what I was doing but the first couple I made tasted kind of funny. I got it right eventually.

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part three...

2008-12-26T18:31:00.005-07:00

Molly worked for many years as either a dental assistant or as an oral surgeon's assistant. Even though she enjoyed this work greatly, she seemed to have found her niche in teaching children. In her paper on Tuesdays with Morrie, she gives us a clue as to how she may have come to have such a love for teaching and for reaching out to the children in her classes:

"We all can look back through our lives and remember the teachers who made a difference in our lives and helped us become our best selves or who noticed us enough to let us know how important we were to them. My fifth grade teacher, for one, in North Carolina, Mrs. Pettis. She was a short rounded black woman with a smile for every one. I can't exactly remember what she did to make me feel special. I just know that she did. That feeling has stayed with me since that time."

Molly wished to touch the hearts of the children in her classes in a similar fashion. The children she taught brought her great joy and I can't help but think that she continues to be interested in them and wishing for their success in school and life.

Winter

2008-12-21T15:59:00.007-07:00

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part two...

2008-12-20T10:02:00.002-07:00

As part of the course on death and dying that Molly took for her degree at the University of Utah, Molly wrote a paper on the book Tuesdays With Morrie. She began the paper with her observations about Morrie:

"Morrie was lucky. He figured out what life was all about before it was too late. And best of all, he shared it with others. Morrie is the type of person who makes the world go round. People lucky enough to have him in their lives know how blessed they are. He gave his friends and family his most precious possession, time. Amazing how this one person had enough time to give not just to his family but to his friends and acquaintances as well. And how much richer they were for it. And not only did he spend time with them, he actually listened to them. "

This description of Morrie is interesting because it is how people who knew Molly would describe her. She saw in Morrie the characteristics that she exemplified. She continues her essay with:

"When Morrie found out about his disease, he was 'stunned by the normalcy of the day around him. Shouldn't the world stop? Don't they know what has happened to me?' I think when anything as startling as a death or knowledge of a fatal disease comes to the forefront of our lives, it is shocking that the world around us still continues. I thought this very same thing when my mother passed away. 'Don't they know?!' I couldn't understand how calloused the world was. Jokes about death on the late night shows, people celebrating and laughing like nothing had happened. And of course, in their lives, nothing had. But in mine, my foundation for life was gone. And though I believed in a life after life, it still was no consolation for the many years I would be without her. I wasn't ready to be without a mother at the young age of twenty-five. And as time went on and I became a mother, it was then when I fully understood her role as my mother. Finally, I was able to relate to her not only as a daughter but as mothers. And she was gone! My children would never know their grandmother. I would never be able to let her know how much I appreciated her in this life, but somehow I think she does know. I think when we invite our departed into our thoughts, they are aware of that."

I think Molly is correct about our departed being aware when we invite them into our thoughts. I think her use of the word invite is very interesting. One thought I have of Molly is that she certainly would have been a super grandmother!

Memories

2008-12-19T15:44:00.002-07:00

Hi family,
I was going through pictures the other day and came upon this classic shot! I think it personifies Molly to a "T". She always had her camera ready.... this was taken in May on the day Jeremy went into the MTC.
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Aunt Laurie

Molly's thoughts about death and the afterlife, part one...

2008-12-12T20:39:00.009-07:00

In the spring of 2001, Molly took a course called "Death and Dying" at the University of Utah. The course was designed to "explore and acquire knowledge concerning topics related to death and dying." Some of the areas to be considered were the "stages of grief, the dying process, and coping mechanisms." Taking this course for her degree program would have been a natural fit with her long-term interest in the afterlife.

Molly was also in the habit of keeping her class notes, assignments, tests, etc. for courses that she took. We came across her course assignments for this class and they included some passages that reveal a bit of how she viewed death and the afterlife. I think that Molly would certainly want to share some of these thoughts with those who were close to her in this life.

In one assignment, she wrote about her own grandmother. Although the circumstances of Molly's passing are shocking and tragic, she gives us an idea of the emotional joy that must have accompanied her reunion with those she loved who had preceded her into the next life:

"I believe that those buried are going on in another phase of life. I do believe in an after life. I had an interesting experience a month before my grandma died. I had a dream in which my grandpa who had passed away over twenty years ago came to me in my dream and told me it was time for her go and be with him. I was sad and cried that I didn't want her to go. But as I watched their reunion, I saw that they were ecstatic to see each other, so much so that they were dancing together with the biggest smiles I've ever seen. They were definitely happy to see each other again after so many years. I know their reunion was a celebration by the way my dream went. My grandma died surrounded by family and able to to do for herself til the end. She lived to be eighty-seven years old and remained in good health up to the last day. What an ideal way to go. It was sad to not have the interaction with her on a regular basis, but yet I was happy she got to finally be with my grandpa after being without him for so many years. They were happy together."

Did You Know?

2008-12-10T21:28:00.004-07:00

My mom's Patriarchal Blessing tells her:

Let your light shine and your personality radiate...

Coincidence?

Carly's New Pet

2008-12-10T21:27:00.001-07:00

Carly had a bird that kicked the bucket a few days ago named Kami. She loves birds so Kami was replaced. This is KiKi. She named it after my mom's cat that she had when we were little.

She's found a favorite spot in the Christmas tree.

Christmas is Coming

2008-12-10T20:43:00.013-07:00

My mom made this decoration and others like it when we were really little. I think it's the only one left now.

This must have been a present from one of her students.

One of Mom's Trips

2008-12-09T08:40:00.004-07:00

My mom sent me this email on March 26, 2008. She tells me to put her pictures on my blog and I thought, "Oh, my heck. You should have your own blog for all the stuff you've been doing." I don't think she was ever home for a whole week this past summer. She was in and out of the state and in and out of the country so much, I'm surprised she didn't forget where she lived! : )

Hi Honey...

It was nice to hear about your Dr.'s appt. I saw you that day and I have to read about it on your blog. I think it's pretty funny. I'm glad you can take a break from the meds. It will be interesting to see how things go. We'll hope for the best. Let me know if you sleep better.

Here's a couple pictures from our trip. I'll send more from school. This system can't do diddley-squat.

Here's some pictures to put on your blog. The pictures are of Dave Grimsman's big brother and me. It's through him that I became close to Dave and Tricia the Grimsman Family, and then, Carly and me in San Francisco waiting to get on the Trolly Car that got stuck going up the hill and we had to get off and walk to the top of the hill. It was fun.

Mom

I'm so old!

2008-11-27T10:52:00.001-07:00

2008-11-26T23:34:00.003-07:00

You'll have to forgive my diminishing posting frequency. I think my body is becoming less "in shock" and I'm starting to get that this is permanent. It gets harder and harder for me to think about and sometimes I even avoid thinking about it altogether.

I replay that day in my head, only to get upset that I wasn't there to help or angry that I have always been so nice to everyone when obviously there are people whose feelings I should not have been so careful with. I should have made more of an effort to keep them away from my family.

And then I think about the few months before that day. I would go running and my mom would call me and insist that I tell her when I was going so she could drive up to Bountiful to go with me. I would tell her that it was a ridiculous idea to drive half an hour to my house just to go running for an hour and then drive half an hour back home. She didn't care. She just wanted to be with me. She would do anything. I never told her when I went.

She would call me and want me to tell her when my husband's basketball games were so she could go. He plays three times a week, sometimes more. There are so many, I don't even go to all of them. I decided that they were such a casual thing and happened all the time so I should just tell her about the championship games. I never knew which ones were championships, so I never told her.

I've always had this attitude where I have to do everything myself. I hate having help and I didn't think I needed it, ever. I have always had my mother standing ready whenever I needed anything. I never thought I needed that support and now I don't know what to do without it.

Moms are supposed to be the ones to make you feel better when you're upset and that comfort has been taken away from me and my brothers and sisters.

I go about my day feeling like a kid lost in the mall, because the only thought in my head is, "I want my mom."

I'm tired of being sad and tired of being angry.

When I'd go home, she always tried to cuddle up to one of us on the couch and she would get her way no matter how much we squirmed and struggled. She would grab my hands and tell me how small my fingers used to be and that they're short and pudgy like my dad's. Then she would tell me about the day I was born. It was on Thanksgiving and my uncle was burning the turkey and the cat was locked in the garage, which was filling up with smoke from the kitchen. Poor cat. They eventually found her and let her out.

A week before she was taken away, she left a message on my voice mail. "Hi honey, I just wanted to tell you that I love you. Give me a call. Bye."

I erased it because I knew there would just be another one the next week.

I'm Grateful...

2008-11-15T22:31:00.004-07:00

I'm grateful that my mom taught me good hygiene.
My mom was all about clean teeth. She would spend probably 20 minutes brushing and then another 20 minutes flossing. That's not even an exaggeration.

I'm grateful for my mom's enthusiasm for public events.
She chased down the torch when the Winter Olympics came to Salt Lake and dragged along whoever would go with her. I decided to remain indoors, where it was warm, and she called me when she found that torch to tell me all about how exciting it was. If there was a free concert or any kind of fair going on, she would find time to go to Salt Lake for those, too.

I'm grateful for my mom's support.
Here is Mom sitting in the Cyprus High School gym bleachers with her camcorder bag and camera right next to her. It could have been my or Brooke's Spinnaker Review or one of Carly's performances. She would also go to every one of Jaron's soccer games, Scott's Jiu Jitsu tournaments and would try to pry out of me when Brandon's basketball games were so she could get to those, too.

Thanksgiving Time

2008-11-04T09:09:00.008-07:00

I thought, since Thanksgiving is coming up, I'd share some things I'm thankful that my mom did as I think of them.

I'm thankful that my mom taught me to dress nice.
When I was a teenager, of course I wanted to dress trendy, but what is trendy is not always what is modest or looks good. She would catch me in some outfit that I could only imagine made me look like a hoodlum and make me change my clothes. She would tell me, "The way you dress is the kind of people you'll attract. If you dress like a skank, you're not going to attract nice people." It makes sense.

I'm thankful my mom put me in dance lessons.
I was so enthusiastic about being on the dance teams in junior high and high school and I never would have had the talent if I hadn't had the training. When I was little, I would sit with her after a performance and we would watch other dancers and she would tell me, "You have to be sharp, Honey, like that girl." I was kind of a shy, mellow dancer when I was little.

I'm thankful my mom made me take piano lessons.
We would whine and whine because we hated practicing, but my mom made all five of us take piano. I have to admit that I love playing, but I still hate practicing. My mom would try to help us when we were stuck on a song. She'd stand by the piano and clap the beat and sing the notes. We would yell at her and tell her, "Mom! That's not helping. I can't play when you do that!"

I'm grateful for my mom's personality.
If nothing else, her antics make for a great story. I remember when Carly was a baby, she was taking a nap and one of the neighbor kids kept ringing our doorbell and running away. My mom was getting frustrated because she didn't want the baby to wake up. By the third time she had caught on to his plan. She waited for him to ring the doorbell and when he took off running she was right behind him. She caught him by the arm and swatted his behind and told him, "Now go home and tell your mother why I smacked you!"

I'm grateful my mom took us to visit our Great Grandma Sophie when we were little.
We hated when she would pile us into the back of the Baja truck every sunday and drive us up to Ogden to see our great grandma. There was nothing to do there, except try and find where the hole in the basement went, or go down the street and pick cherries, or dig in to the bowl of candy she always had on her kitchen table, or watch cable tv. :) On the way home, my brothers and sisters and I would always sing songs or tell eachother scary stories. We still laugh at the stuff we made up. Beside that, we got to know our great grandma!

Just a Moment of Change

2008-11-04T09:01:00.003-07:00

I sit in my car for at least two hours everyday. There's nothing else to do in there except listen to music. These lyrics stuck out to me when I was listening to an old mix cd with some One Republic on it. This is from the song "All We Are":

We won't say our goodbyes.
You know it's better that way.
We won't break,
We won't die.
It's just a moment of change.

Thank You for the Birthday Wishes

2008-11-01T10:06:00.019-06:00

To all who called, texted, emailed, commented, sent cards, sent letters, came by to visit, or even just had us on your minds, we are so grateful to have such wonderful and supportive friends and family. We love you.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2008-10-31T00:01:00.004-06:00

This Friday...

2008-10-27T19:08:00.004-06:00

...is Mom's birthday. We are probably going to hang out at the cemetary for a little while after work at about 5:00 pm probably until they kick us out (They close the gates when it starts getting dark). If anyone would like to stop by, do. We would love to see you!
Valley View Memorial Park
4300 W. 4100 S.
West Valley City, Utah
Just drive around to the newer, back area of the park and look for this:

Runny Jell-O

2008-10-20T20:17:00.003-06:00

My mom loved having people over for dinner and for parties. She would cook tons of stuff and always forgot about some dish being kept warm in the microwave. She would remember it as soon as people started leaving.

And who has ever been to our house for dinner and had Jell-O salad that was set all the way?...Anyone?

For whatever reason, my mom would make the Jell-O right before everyone was supposed to be there and it was always runny.

I miss runny Jell-O.

I'm just going to borrow this...

2008-10-19T23:39:00.005-06:00

I've been diving into some of my mom's books lately. She collected TONS of books about when you have to say goodbye to someone you love. I now know why she had such an interest in the subject.

Mom and Yard Sales

2008-10-19T23:24:00.002-06:00

My mom loved a good deal. During the summer, she would get up early and gather who ever would go with her to find yard sales. While we were in California for my cousin, Jeremy's (I mean Elder Robbins'), farewell, we took a Saturday to find some deals. My mom found this bag. I can't remember how much she paid for it, but she loved to barter so it was probably less than what the people selling it wanted for it. It zips into a little cube and expands when you unzip it. It has a pocket that can be used as a cooler for lunch. It's a pretty fancy little thing.

She also loved buying stuff for the kids in her school classes. She'd buy little stuffed animals and toys that they could earn when they did their school work and she'd buy books just to have around so they could read. We stopped at one house and my mom bought a bag full of books. She happened to mention that she was a school teacher and the guy decides he wants her to have all his books for free. She was so excited about that. She loved getting stuff for the kids she taught.

The Scale At Grammy's House

2008-10-15T09:02:00.006-06:00

We had dinner at my Grandpa and Grandma Robbins' house on Monday. My uncles were in town from Texas, so we gathered there to hang out with them. I went to the bathroom where my grandma has a scale sitting on the floor. It made me think about my mom.

Every time we had dinner at my grandparents' house, us girls would make our way to the bathroom to play on the scale. I would get on and tell my mom how much I weighed and she would say, "Well, you're a hefty little girl, aren't you?" Then I'd give her some dirty look and a whiny, "mooo-ooom," and she'd tell me, "It's okay, honey. You don't look bad."

Carly's Homework

2008-10-08T20:52:00.004-06:00

For Carly's english class she had to create an entry for the PTA Reflections contest. The theme for this year is "WOW!" She chose photography and used us as her models. She told us where to go and what to.

Pretty good, huh?

Carly's 9th Grade Picture

2008-10-08T20:47:00.003-06:00

Isn't she cute?

Looks like somebody else I know...

Yes, I watched General Conference, Mom.

2008-10-08T20:46:00.002-06:00

This is what I learned.

Brookie is 20!

2008-09-29T22:48:00.000-06:00

That is Mom's famous Cherry Cheesecake Pie she's got. It's not very sturdy for holding candles.

Scott, Carly, Kristin & Brooke

Thank You

2008-09-29T22:38:00.008-06:00

When we got Christmas cards at the end of the year, my mom always hung them up on this wall. We thought it would be a good spot for all the cards people gave us. Thank you to everyone for your sympathies, thoughts and prayers.

Here is a pleasant surprise! Someone left these at our mom's grave. We're not sure who they're from but thank you very much!

Check this out! We noticed this when we were at the cemetary yesterday. Didn't know our mom was such a trend-setter! :)

I miss my mom so much!!!

2008-09-26T15:27:00.001-06:00

Healing Music

2008-09-24T11:14:00.000-06:00

After reading my sister's post, I started thinking about how much I have been relying on music to help me out, too. There are certain songs that remind me of Mom (like every James Taylor song ever written) or songs that have phrases in them that I catch at just the right moment, like the song Brooke talks about. I have been at her grave and when I turn on the car, a phrase will play and I feel like it's playing that particular phrase because it is something my mom wants me to know.

I Will Be by Leona Lewis is the song that was playing the first time I went back to my mom's grave. She sang, "I'll be with you forever, to get you through the day and make everything okay."

Footprints in the Sand by Leona Lewis is a song that I feel is a conversation between us and Heavenly Father. He says, "I promise you, I'm always there..."

Goodbye by Celine Dion is such a sad song. I love Celine Dion's music but I could never make myself listen to it after I figured out what it was about...not until now anyway.

Right Here by Brandy is a song I listen to everytime I'm on my way to the cemetary. I imagine my mom saying the words to me, "I will be here right beside you every step you take. I will be your strength, your shelter..."

I'm Already There by Lonestar is Brookie's song that she hears every morning (see below).

Back Here by BBMak is the song Scotty sang at Mom's grave.

It's Amazing by Jem is another one of those that I caught a phrase of one day after visiting my mom. "It's amazing, it's amazing, all that you can do..." was what I got after confessing that I sometimes feel like I may not be able to handle everything I'm going to have to.

Anyway, there is a playlist to the side with all these songs and I hope they can help others having a hard time, too.

Something Thats kinda helped me...:)

2008-09-22T16:47:00.000-06:00

Even though this last month has been a rough one everytime i've gotten in my car and am on the way to school this one song is always on.. now its not exactly about death its about a father who is away on a trip but my mom knew i liked country music so i'm betting she played it every morning for me. The lyrics that stick out the most are the ones in the chorus, right when a little girl asks when are you coming home and her daddy replies

I'm already there,
Take a look around.
i'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground.
I'm the whisper in the wind, I'm your imaginary friend.
And I know I'm in your prayers, Oh, I'm already there.

So for all of us who miss my mom and wish she was around, she's already there :)

The Family That Cheers Together...

2008-09-18T22:51:00.000-06:00

Carly is Co-Captain of her school's cheer team with her friend Jill this year. My dad, Scott and I went to see her cheer at a girl's soccer game at her school this week. Here she is leading her squad in R-O-W-D-I-E...and then Scott tries to steal the spotlight from the soccer team.

He succeeded!

Her baby's Mama

2008-09-18T22:47:00.000-06:00

Here's a video with my mom at one of my jiujitsu tournaments. Even though she didn't like seeing me wrestle around she always came and cheered the loudest. Thanks Mommy! (I earned 1st place at this tournament, and my mom handed out all the awards for everyone too!)

A Little More Understanding

2008-09-15T12:24:00.000-06:00

For as long as I can remember, my mom has been very interested in books about death and out-of-body experiences. I could never understand why she was so enthralled with the subject. I knew that her mother had passed away when she was about my age. Actually, so did my father's mother. I have never met either of my grandmothers. But my mom has books and books about this stuff. I used to think they were kind of interesting but I never paid that much attention to them. Now my brothers and sisters and I have them all out and we read them over and over. I think I get it now. I feel like I need to know everything about where she is and what she is doing, if she can see us and if it is possible that we can see her.

Shortly before my Great Grandma Sofia died, my mom told me she had a dream about her. She dreamt that her grandma and her grandpa were together and they were dancing and laughing together. She said they looked so happy to finally see eachother again. I think she had that dream about a month before Grandma Sofia died. The night that she passed away, my mom said she heard noises that sounded like someone walking around our living room and into the kitchen and she heard someone open the fridge. She got up to yell at us because she thought we were wandering around when we were supposed to be in bed, but everyone was asleep and nobody was in the kitchen or the living room. My mom told me that her grandma always used to get up in the middle of the night to get a snack.

My mom also often told me about her mother having a dream where she saw my dad holding me. Isn't that amazing? My sister, Brooke, said she had a dream where she was getting married and our mom was running around trying to get things ready. That seems about right, since she never planned ahead and was always doing things last minute. :)

I went to the temple a couple of weeks ago with my husband and my brothers and sister-in-law, Lauren. I was praying and hoping so hard that Heavenly Father would let her come there with us and we would see her reflection somewhere or something, anything! I just kept getting the feeling that she was too busy. She can't right now because she is so busy. I guess that is understandable. She loves to teach and that is what she is spending her time doing right now. I'm grateful for the dream I had. It was just a few minutes where I felt like things could be normal because she was able to be with us still.

I know that we will see her again, but we'll miss her terribly until we do.

Not Really Gone

2008-09-14T23:43:00.000-06:00

Scott, Brooke and I went today to get the "sticks" we made for our Mom so Valley View could do their yard work tomorrow without worrying about our stuff. We actually got there a little late and they had already closed the gates to the cemetary. So, we parked by the dairy and walked to her grave while it was getting dark, and she's not close to the entrance. Kind of a creepy situation. But we were walking back to the car and talking about how it doesn't really feel like she's gone. There are moments that everything catches up and it hits you and you break down for a little while because you realize that she's not going to be making one of her many random phone calls to us or we won't get any more picture messages from her with one of her friends doing something exciting and fun. Otherwise, it feels like she's just safe at home.

I'm sure that this feeling comes from the knowledge we have that she is not really "dead", but actually living, just somewhere else. Right now, she is in the Spirit World being really, really busy teaching other people about the gospel who didn't have a chance to hear about it on earth. (Check out Doctrine & Covenants Section 138.) I know that she is OK and she is happy, I'm just a little upset that I don't get to have her around. Alright, I'm ALOT upset! I have so many feelings, good and bad. I'm sure we were made aware that this was going to happen before we were sent to this earth, and we still wanted to come. Experiencing these feelings is necessary to the Plan of Salvation, so we can become like our Heavenly Father.

I am so happy about my mother's decision to become a member of the LDS church so many years ago. She didn't grow up with it, like we did. She pursued it on her own. She was a teenager when she was baptized and ran with it from there. I am sure that my feelings would be way different if I didn't have this gospel and things would be so much harder. I admire her for her faith and her example and am so grateful that she has given us this gift.

Christmas 2006

2008-09-09T22:24:00.000-06:00

So I was looking through old files on my computer for videos and pictures of my mom, you know, just to find them and I had this video of Christmas in 2006.

Go Gringo?

2008-09-08T20:33:00.000-06:00

My dad and I went to watch Carly cheer at a soccer game at her junior high. Her school's colors are blue, green and white and the players' uniforms are green. It was a little after half-time and she gathered her team in a huddle (she is co-captain with her best friend, Jill) and she turned around for a second and shouted, "Kristin, listen!"

Get it?

She told all her friends the story of our mom cheering, "Go, green, go!" at Jaron's soccer games.

We're On a Schedule

2008-09-08T15:04:00.000-06:00

I spoke with the manager of the grounds crew at the memorial park. They do clean-up on Mondays and mow on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. So we will have Mom's temporary marker up on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

Something's There

2008-09-07T21:39:00.000-06:00

We haven't yet picked a grave marker for our mom and I don't think we're allowed to put one in until the ground settles a little more, so we have some time. We wanted something there since the flowers from her funeral have all died and been cleaned up. This is what we came up with...

Each of the letters are decorated with flowers and ribbon the color of each of our birthstones. I hope these and the picture in the title are able to capture how beautiful it looks. If not, I guess you will have to go see for yourself (Valley View Memorial Park on 4100 S. and 4400 W. in West Valley). I took a million pictures because I didn't think any of them did the scene justice. It is amazing to look at!

Dream a Little Dream of Me

2008-09-04T08:07:00.000-06:00

My husband sometimes talks in his sleep when he's dreaming. Early this morning I was awakened by, "It was nice to see you." I was wondering who he was talking to and I started thinking about my mom. Then I fell back asleep and started dreaming that I was in a hospital room. It was a nice, big room with 3 beds in it and big windows all along the wall. It was sunny outside and made the whole room bright. My mom was laying in the middle bed and nobody else was in there. She was gone and we had already had her funeral a few days before.

We were going to be having some other service for her and I was supposed to get her dressed and ready. I left her laying in the bed on her back with her arms stretched out to her sides and went to her walk-in closet (who knew hospitals had those?) to find a dress. I was looking for a specific one with a really bright flowery pattern. I walked in the closet, which also had windows in it, and saw her temple clothes folded nicely on a shelf to my left and her temple dress hanging up, along with another temple dress. I don't know whose that was. I found the dress I was looking for and walked out of the closet and found my mother laying on her side with her hands under her head, cuddling her pillow like she would do when she fell asleep on the couch at home. I was confused for a minute and told myself, "Okay. Dead people don't just make themselves comfy." So I ran out into the hall to go find a doctor.

I kept running around telling people what happened and they all just kind of blew me off, because they knew everything that happened. I ran to an upper floor to find one of my mom's friends who worked at the hospital. She was sitting in a chair and had some candles lit and was trying to relax. I called her Bernice. The person I really think she was supposed to be was Toni, who does our X-rays at the dentist, even though she didn't look like Toni at all. This woman looked more like a younger and skinnier version of LaVerne on Scrubs, but the feeling I got from her was the same thing I feel when I'm around Tony. I told "Bernice" what happened and she got up and ran downstairs to my mom's room.

As I was running down the stairs, I turned around and saw that Jaron was standing just outside the room we were just in. He had his phone in his left hand and he looked at me and asked me what was going on. My first thought was that I didn't want to get his hopes up that our mom might still be alive and then have it not be true. I told him anyway. I said, "Mom turned herself over on her side!" and he got excited and started texting somebody.

Next, I was back in the room and I was sitting next to my mom's bed. She was still laying on her side and I started playing with her hair. She woke up a little bit and I asked her if she felt ok. She told me, "Yeah, my head hurts a little." She still had stitches in her head from the autopsy. Then her dad came into the room. He can't move very well but he wheeled his wheelchair up next to her and got up to give her a hug. He kind of fell over on her and I freaked out a little. "Grandpa, be careful! Don't hit her stomach." But he was happy to see her and she was happy to see him. He sat back down and showed her a baby boy he was holding. It was his baby, but at the same time the baby was him. Kind of like a clone, I guess. I took the baby and held him up so I could look at his face.

Then my dream backs up a tiny bit, I think. After my mom waking up and talking to her, it was still possible that she wasn't really alive. I remember being outside the hospital room again and walking in quietly. There was a doctor sitting in a chair to the left her bed (her left, our right because the bed was facing the door) and he was just watching her. I walked in the room and looked at the doctor as if to make sure it was really true. He looked at me and nodded and smiled. I had my mom back! I went back to the side of her bed and she started to wake up again. I talked to her for a little bit and started to tell her about her funeral. There were so many people there and all her friends. I told her Becky and Denise were there, even though some of them really weren't able to make it. I said, "And Trisha and Clint came, I mean Tricia and..." (Trisha and Clint are some of my friends. I meant to say Tricia and Dave, who are her friends). Before I finished my sentence I was holding that baby again and he was starting to get fussy. Then my grandpa showed up again with his wife, who was some woman I had never seen before, but kind of like Toni, I got the feeling she was really my Grandma Ester. She walked in the door and I saw she had a bottle with her and I was relieved to see that she was prepared.

The room started to fill with our friends and family. I didn't see any of them because I was just staring at my mom, but I could feel that the room was full of people. She just looked at me and the baby I was holding and she smiled and grabbed my hand and just held it while she fell back asleep. Her skin was so soft and her hands were still skinny and bony, but they were warm and I was so happy. I held her right hand in my left hand and had that baby in my other arm and I looked up and started crying. And then I told myself it was okay to go and I woke up.

ROBBINS Christmas 2007

2008-08-31T01:25:00.001-06:00

All About Mom

2008-08-31T00:39:00.000-06:00

My dad found this profile I wrote about my mom. I remember I wrote it up in church. I was probably in high school (10 years ago!). I can't remember what it was for but some of the things I wrote made me laugh:

Morena Molly Valdez Robbins

Born: October 31, 1956

Baptized: 1969?

Age: 16-18

Liked: Church Dances

Went to: Clearfield and Irvine High School

Dated: Dee Robbins, David Robbins, Craig Pett

Hung out with: Lee Hardy, Murdock, Auntie Foo, Denise, Charmaine

Married: Darrell Robbins

Date: April 1981?

Kids: Kristin Julia at age 26, Jaron Douglas at age 27, Scott Michael at age 29, Brooke Ella at age 31, Carly Dawn at age 37

Vacations: Cali to see "Handsome Grandpa George" and Grandma Della and play in the river, Yellowstone where it rained, Cali & Mexico w/Uncle Hernan to see Tia Hilda, Arizona when Princess Di was killed

Favorite Things: Eat carrots and make other people eat carrots, Feed the missionaries, Running, Sing when nobody wants her to

Mom's Goals: Make sure we get to do all the stuff we want to because she never did

Thing I Like Most: Always wants to help me out

Five Scriptures

2008-08-30T00:10:00.000-06:00

My cousin, Becca, was preparing a lesson for the young women in her ward about an article by John Bytheway called "5 Scriptures That Will Help You Get Through Almost Anything", and she made me a copy. I read it through and loved so many things that were written. Here are a few of my favorite parts:

"Early in the Book of Mormon, an angel asks Nephi a tough question, “Knowest thou the condescension of God?” Nephi answers, “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:16–17). Nephi’s answer is a perfect statement for us to remember in times of trial. We don’t know the meaning of all things. We don’t have all the answers to explain all the tragedies in the world and in our own neighborhoods. However, we know, we are sure, that God loves His children. "

"Sometimes our trials are a direct result of someone using their agency to do evil. Often when tragedy strikes, someone will say, “Well, it must have been God’s will.” What exactly is “God’s will”? It seems to me that God’s will is that we choose righteousness over wickedness! However, He also desires that we have a choice in the matter."

"Sometimes people need to look to someone else who relied on Christ’s Atonement and was able to make it through a terrible tragedy...The best way to prepare for death is to live life at its fullest. I believe the Lord will hold us accountable for what we did with our lives whether we have trials or not, whether we marry or not, and whether our life is easy or not."

"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people” (Alma 7:11–12)...This scripture teaches us that Jesus not only suffered for the things we do that are wrong, but He also suffered for the things which happen to us—things over which we have no control."

"Yea, verily I say unto you, in that day when the Lord shall come, he shall reveal all things—Things which have passed, and hidden things which no man knew, things of the earth, by which it was made, and the purpose and the end thereof” (D&C 101:32–33)....Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full (D&C 101:34–36)."

I love this stuff because I sooooo need it right now. It is so hard to deal with the image of our home barracaded off by crime scene tape, and seeing pictures in the newspaper of police rolling a body bag out the front door on a stretcher. It runs through my mind every minute of every day and my heart breaks over and over again. This is my home, my family and my mother! She was too good for her life on earth to end this way. I feel like it is so unfair and I have to constantly remind myself of these teachings.

It helps me so much to know that my Heavenly Father loves us so much. He knows what we are feeling and in time, He will reveal to us the purpose of all this. Right now we are required only to love. Love our Heavenly Father, love our family, friends and neighbors, love the scriptures and He will handle everything else. When I think of this, my feelings of grief are replaced by anticipation. I cannot wait for the day when we will all be together again.

Oh, my mother! I miss you so much! I want to hold your hand so bad! But I know that you are happy with Heavenly Father. The world where you are is so much more beautiful than even this one, where you have no troubles, care or sorrow, and you deserve that. I love you!

Getting The Kick I Need

2008-08-21T00:07:00.000-06:00

I have found myself starting to struggle a little with the thought that my mom won't be around anymore. She won't be around for holidays or be in pictures when Scott, Brooke and Carly get married. Maybe we can make a cardboard cut-out like she did at Jaron's reception when Scott was on his mission. :) I'm wondering how she dealt with her mom being gone when we were born. I want so bad for my children to meet her. She used to tell me that she was going babysit my kids and when they started to get cranky she was going to tell them, "Okay, Go see your Grandma Janet now."

I stopped at her grave today just to hang out and whine about my feelings. I was telling her that I was finally starting to be upset that she was gone. I know it is part of some plan that Heavenly Father has and for whatever reason this was supposed to happen and we're not supposed to understand why; we're just supposed to deal with it. That's the whole reason we're on this earth. My mom did everything she was supposed to and Heavenly Father said, "Okay, Come home."

Anyway, I was struggling with feelings of peace and at the same time with anger about the whole situation. If she just had some kind of accident, it would be different. It would be ALOT easier. But my family is strong. I guess that is why this happened this way. Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle. We may not think we can handle it, but He knows us better than anyone, even ourselves.

When we closed the casket before the funeral, all of us kids put a note in our mother's hands. All the girls forgot to prepare something (surprise, surprise), so we wrote a note on the back of the boys'. On mine, one of the things I asked was for her to be with me. Just be with me while I try to be there for my family. Today, I finished my whine-fest with my mother and got back in my car. I was listening to Leona Lewis on the way in and when I turned my car back on, the stereo played the words, "I'll be with you forever, to get you through the day and make everything Okay."

My mom ... always looking out.

Remembering Molly Video

2008-08-20T23:34:00.000-06:00

For anyone who missed it, here is the video slideshow we made for our mom's viewing and funeral.

Scott Singing

2008-08-20T23:09:00.000-06:00

Here is a video of the song Scott sang just before he dedicated Mom's grave.

Some Pictures

2008-08-20T22:08:00.001-06:00

Services

2008-08-16T13:50:00.000-06:00

Wednesday morning we attended a mass at St. Joseph's Church in Ogden set up by my mom's brothers. Nearly all members of her family who have died have had services there, including our Great Grandma Sofia, who my mom would take us up to see every sunday when we were little and our Great Aunt Tony, who was like a grandmother to us since our own grandmother passed away when my mom was about 24 years old and before any of us kids were even a thought. The service was so wonderful.

Father Ken had spent some time with our Uncle Hernan speaking about my mom and the kind of person she was. When he spoke it was like he knew her. I know that he changed the format a little because we have been to several other Catholic funerals before. Our mother was kind of the rebel in the family, being the only one to convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when she was growing up. Father Ken was absolutely respectful of that fact, explaining that our faiths are different but we are all Christians and we all have the same Heavenly Father. He knew that she strived to help us develop our talents and asked us to demonstrate by having us sing a song in front of the congregation. We sang "Families Can Be Together Forever". We were very comforted by his words and want to thank him for the beautiful job he did. Thank you Father Ken.

Thursday night we held a viewing at Valley View Memorial Home in West Valley. The viewing was supposed to start at 7:00 pm and go until 9:00 pm, but a few people started coming early while we were setting things up. At 7:00 the building started to get crowded. There was a line all the way from the room we were in, down the hall and out the front doors. We met the last visitor at about 10:00 pm. It is a blessing to know all the lives our mother touched and meet all the people she influenced. We had no idea.

Friday were the funeral services at our ward meeting house in Magna. It started with our wonderful Grandma Dixie sharing her talented voice by singing "The Lord's Prayer". She is a very talented opera singer. Next, Steve Mellen, a member of her ward and long-time family friend, spoke about our mother being in a paradise, waiting until we can see her again. Our Uncle Dee Robbins, spoke next. He explained the influence she had on the world around her and described her as being either a "gentle breeze" or at times a "raging storm". Everyone got a kick out of that because everyone who knows her knows it is exactly true! You don't mess with my momma! Our Uncle David Robbins played a beautiful medly on the organ before my brother, Jaron, spoke.

Jaron first explained his haircut. He had gone and had it cut into a mohawk the day before her passing and was planning on taunting her with it when he saw her on Sunday. We were supposed to have dinner at her house for his birthday. Jaron talked about some of our memories with her. At his soccer games she would yell, "Go, Green, go!" until some one asked her, "What do you have against the latino's on the team?" It was then realized that most of the team wasn't understanding that she was shouting for their colored jerseys, but cheering, "Go, gringo!" She would go to Scott's Jiu Jitsu tournaments and try to intimidate his opponents with, "Don't hurt my baby!" She would always be at our dance and cheer performances early so she could find a spot near a power outlet. Our video camera had a crappy battery so she had to stay plugged into the wall to record our performances. We left the church to take her to her resting place. Scott played the guitar and sang the only song he knew, "Back Here" by BB Mac, just so she could see one of her kids perform. Scotty said the prayer to dedicate the grave. We waited there until it was OK to say goodbye and called to grounds crew to lower the casket.

The day was so beautiful. I'm sure she loved all of it.

Where do I begin...

2008-08-16T12:46:00.001-06:00

Where do I begin when I have so many memories of a woman who was, and is, a mother to me. Jaron, Blake, and I needed all the help we could get growing up and we were blessed with 3 mothers. Molly was one of those mothers who interviewed and interrogated us every chance she could get. Molly was the assistant when I got my wisdom teeth out and she even tried to get the inside scoop when I was drugged from the anesthesia, all while Jaron was yelling "fight it Bey! Don't give in!" Over the past week I have reflected on the many memories I have of Molly, and I will forever cherish the memories I shared with her and her family. She coached Jaron, Kristin and I when we were 7 years old. I have endless memories of driving around the western United States, going to different soccer games or tournaments.

It started when we were 7 and lasted till we were about 17, and went through 3 different vehicles. First there was the blue station wagon with kids, soccer bags, and balls piled in the back. Then there was the Chevy pickup, once again with all us kids in the back shell. And finally there was the Astro van. We traveled all over Utah, Arizona, and spent many Thanksgivings in Las Vegas for the "Turkey Shoot Tournament". I was not away from my family for Thanksgiving, but was just with my other family. Molly treated me as one of her kids, and watched out for me and loved me as such. One time when we were in Sacramento she even fended off her dad who was going to knock down the bathroom door with a sledgehammer because it was locked. Little did I know he did not allow locked doors in his home due to events from the Vietnam War, but molly was there to save me. James Taylor is one of my favorite artists and Molly is specifically responsible for that. I think molly only had James Taylor tapes, and that was all we listened to on our many road trips. I cannot hear a James Taylor song and not think of Molly and hear her sing along. With Love, Curtis

2008-08-13T18:38:00.000-06:00

Hi FAMILY, I hope you can remember that twinkle in your mothers eyes. That faith and hope she had in all things. How proud she was with all of you! I'm so proud to have her as a friend and in her words part of her family. We will always love her. And I know she will always be watching and sharing in your joy. Keep your faith in the lord and you will be blessed for this trial. We thank the Lord for Molly and giving us you. LOVE, JIM SELLERS

Finding Peace

2008-08-13T01:32:00.000-06:00

Thank you to all of our friends and family for sharing your memories with us. We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people. It was very difficult to have to explain to my brothers and sister what I meant when I called them to tell them our mother was "gone". I knew they needed to know but I absolutely did not want to tell them. Initially, the hurt was so strong as I'm sure so many of you felt when you learned of the events that took her life. However, our faith, knowledge and understanding of our Heavenly Father's plan has brought peace and comfort to all of us.

Saturday night our sister, Carly, asked our brother for a blessing. Jaron gave hers, Scott blessed Brooke and Brandon blessed me. I remember feeling so calm during my sisters' blessings but I could do nothing but cry while Brandon was speaking. I have the most wonderful husband! I don't remember all the details of each of the blessings as they were specifically guided by the Spirit to address each of our personal needs, but the one thing that I remember during each prayer was the statement, "You're mother is happy."

Monday, after we had made all of her funeral arrangements, we were able to see her. She looked absolutely peaceful and even seemed to be smiling. I entered the room where she was and walked toward my sweet mother and couldn't help but smile as memories of her sassy attitude and captivating personality flooded into my mind. There is absolutely no way she would ever want to see her children crying for any reason, and I couldn't. We hovered around her fixing her hair and staring at her face and talking about funny things she would probably be saying to us.

When we finally pulled ourselves away, we all felt so calm and so much peace. We were able to spend the rest of the night talking and laughing like we would do at regular family gatherings. We can still feel her around us because our home still feels like home. She will be missed but there is no way she will ever really be gone. She never liked to let us out of her sight and I guarantee she never will.

2008-08-11T22:24:00.000-06:00

Thanks for sharing your mom with us. I guess she was like a mom to us. Did a lot of firsts with us……First taught Dave how to drive when he was 15 in the church parking lot, first taught me how to be a new mother, was there when I got my first…and last speeding ticket…driving 20 yards from one casino to the next in Wendover when I kidnapped Molly to go gambling with me one night. I wasted 20 dollars and your mother spent nothing! She had all self control. Kristin, I have a strong feeling that she will insist on Heavenly Father letting her peek down when you have all your firsts….still yet to come. We know wild horses could not keep her Spirit away from her “precious” children. Love, Tricia

I Hope You Dance

2008-08-11T11:12:00.000-06:00

When my mom and I and Carly and Scott went to California for our cousin Jeremy's missionary farewell, we went to Fisherman's Wharf while we were there. My mom was so excited to show us everything and try the food. She had to have a bread bowl with clam chowder. There was a band playing in the middle of the shopping center and when she hears music she has to move her feet. We kept telling her how embarrassing she was and she would just laugh and tell us that's what she was here for.